I Promise you, Castiel
by misharize-me
Summary: Cas and Dean have finally moved in together in their new apartment. What they didn't expect...was an un-welcomed visitor. Now, both Dean and Cas will put their skills to the test as this psychotic monster plots revenge on them both. Dean will have to go to great lengths to protect Cas. But just how far is he willing to go? Will protecting Cas mean giving up his own life?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so this story IS A SEQUEL...so, I would advice you to read the first one - it's called "Promise Me, Dean", and it is the only other story on my profile. Or, if you'd prefer not to, you can skip it. Some things may not tie together as well but you can still kinda get the drift of it, and I will also try and summarize parts of what happened in the last book and add it to this one to help the people who didn't read the first one to get a better understanding of this story. **

**This story is rated M for content(lots and lots of smut)/language/violence)**

**Destiel AU**

* * *

"Harder, Dean!"

"Cas, I can't go any harder!" Dean groaned, "God this is taking the breath outta me."

"I know, Dean." Cas grunted as a trickle of sweat rolled down his forehead. His face was red with exhaustion.

"Fuck Cas, I think I'm gonna..." Dean thickly wailed, slamming his teeth together to try and maintain his strength "I'm gonna-"

"Come on, Dean!" Just a little more! Please!" Cas managed to utter out. Yelling at Dean only exhausted him more, converting his deep tone into a low, hoarse whimper. The room was suddenly filled with loud whines.

"I'm gonna-" Dean inadvertently let go of the large dresser, letting it slam onto the wooden floor, "-drop it."

"Dammit, Dean! You were so close!" Cas muttered as he let go of his side of the dresser. He backed away and looked at the placement, "This is okay for now. It's not that far away from where I wanted it. Maybe tomorrow we can move the other shelf into the-"

"Woah, woah, woah, Cas," Dean interrupted him, "Let's not forget who's doing all the moving here, huh?" He said as he walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer out of it. He hovered over the fridge for a moment to let the cool air blow on him.

"I know, I'm sorry," Cas mumbled taking a deep breath, "I'm just trying to get settled in."

Cas placed his fingers over his throbbing temples and rubbed them slightly. Dean closed the fridge and placed his beer onto the counter-top before walking over to his exhausted boyfriend. He stood behind him and set his chin down on Cas' shoulder, setting his hands gently on Cas' hips.

Dean kissed Cas' neck and rubbed his arm, "Babe, we just moved into the apartment three days ago. Don't even worry about getting settled in. I told you, I'm going to save up enough money from work and we'll be out of here in no time, okay?" Dean said as he turned Cas around so they were face to face.

Cas' usually brightened smile had contorted into a disgruntled line. His eyes were fixed sharply on Dean's. He was stressed, of course. Leaving college and moving into a new apartment not even a month after graduating was stressful. Cas had a headache almost at the end of every day. It wasn't the constant moving around, or the ordering furniture, or the paperwork and bills, or even dealing with the bitchy landlord that stressed him out. It was seeing Dean stressed out that made him stressed out.

As he stared at Dean, his frown started to fade. Dean's eyes were enthralling, like sparkling kaleidoscopes of color. They were deep emerald green, with dashes of chesnut brown speckled in his irises. And for some reason, they looked like they had seen a lifetime. Cas couldn't help but block out all the stress that had invaded him at the moment, and smile.

Dean squeezed Cas face together a little, "Now there's my Castiel," He said as he placed a gentle kiss on Cas' forehead, "Alright I'm going in the shower," Dean mumbled as he lifted his shirt off his body, "Care to join?" He smirked.

Cas laughed. He thought Dean was joking, so he shook his head. "No. I think I'm just going to get some bags from the car."

"Your loss," Dean said as he unhinged his belt and dropped his pants right in front of Cas, leaving him in his skimpy white briefs. He gave Cas a seductive grin.

Cas' stomach twisted as he stared relentlessly into Dean's alluring eyes. Cas' pants suddenly squeezed his thighs tightly. He knew his dick had already begun to grow hard at even the slightest look at Dean in his underwear. Suddenly, Dean slowly pulled the thing fabric down his legs and stepped out of them, kicking his briefs across the bathroom floor.  
Cas was sent spiraling into ecstasy, watching as Dean stepped naked into the shower, suddenly seeing the steam rise above the curtain. His nerves seemed to snap instantly, feeling as if each and every nerve cell was exploding inside him, screaming for something his body couldn't provide.

And just like that, Cas was standing in the bathroom doorway, naked. He looked back to see a trail of clothes behind him. Cas hadn't even remembered taking his clothes off. He was already hard, and his body ached for Dean's.

Both of them hadn't had any sexual encounters in weeks since they'd both been too caught up in paperwork and moving stuff.

Cas briskly moved into the bathroom. He carefully pulled the shower curtain back and was greeted by a gush of steam. Dean's eyes were already fixed on Cas'.

"Five minutes was long enough," Cas said as he stepped into the shower and instantly grabbed Dean's wet face, shoving him hard up against the shower wall. Their lips met in a bruising kiss as Cas' tongue ran across Dean's bottom lip. Dean clutched onto Cas' backside, thrusting his hips into Cas' hardness, his anxiousness peaking through his body.

In minutes, both of them were dripping with the hot water. Cas' wet hair ran slightly over his eyes. Dean clawed at the sides of Cas' face, biting his bottomg lip and jaw-bones. He kissed Cas forcefully, pressing his chest hard against Cas', almost sending him flying backward out of the shower. Their cocks grinded against each other, and Dean began rolling his hips, his spine curling as they rubbed against one another.

Cas started to suck at Dean's neck, moving down to his chest and grazing at his nipple. Cas took his time to suck and put sloppy kisses all across Dean's bare skin. Dean whined as Cas suddenly dropped to his knees and began sucking around his bellybutton and his hip bones before taking Dean's cock in his mouth in one quick movement. The feel of Dean's dick growing in Cas' mouth made his dick ache, and he could feel himself getting harder as he took more of Dean into his mouth before sucking on it, drawing it slowly out of his mouth.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean slowly moaned. He watched as Cas' soft, wet lips wrapped around his growing cock. As he felt himself grow inside of Cas' mouth, Dean gripped Cas' wet hair, shoving him down. Cas' hands trailed to Dean's thighs and he dug his nails into the wet skin.

Cas took Dean's shaft in his mouth lightly between his teeth, pulling his head back and slowly dragging his teeth lightly across his skin. Cas squeezed and stroked the base of his shaft as he pressed the swollen head to his full lips. As Dean watched Cas entice him, he then began to thrust his hips, meeting Cas as he went down.

Soon, Dean noticed that Cas had stopped moving altogether. Cas simply kneeled there before him, staring up seductively into his face as Dean gripped Cas' head and fucked his face. Dean thrusted his hips slightly faster, holding onto the back of Cas' head to keep him still.

Cas loved the feeling of Dean's hands tightly gripping his hair; controlling him, using him. Cas stared up into the steam the rose over his face, seeing the wet figure above him grind against his mouth. Cas ran his hand up across Dean's soaking skin and across his abdomen, gently running his fingernails down Dean's skin.

Dean suddenly felt the twinge in his core as the pressure began to mount. He could feel his own release building, the waves of pleasure pulsing through him as the back of Cas' throat grazed his tip. He quickly pulled himself out of Cas to avoid his orgasm. Still grasping onto Cas' hair, Dean yanked Cas to his feet.

"Get against the wall," Dean commanded, rubbing Cas' saliva around his dick readying it for Cas. Dean placed the tip near Cas entrance when suddenly Cas hand shot up against Dean's chest.

"No," Cas groaned as he stood up straight. Dean's face contorted in confusion as Cas flipped him around and shoved him hard up against the shower wall. Cas ran sloppy,wet kisses across his shoulder blades. He bit Dean's ear before whispering, "It's my turn,"

Cas felt Dean tense beneath him.

Dean let out a heavy breath, "Go slow, I've never done this." He said as he propped his leg up onto the bath-tub.

Cas put his finger in his mouth and sucked on it for a few seconds before placing it near Dean's entrance, "Maybe," He said as he slowly put one finger inside him. Dean winced at the sudden tight, burning sensation. He squirmed against the shower wall but Cas' strong grasp held him.

Dean murmered softly as Cas' finger moved in and out inside him. He felt the burning sensation slightly fade, and a pleasurable feeling start to spark in his core. Cas added a second finger and Dean groaned loudly. Cas moved in and out inside him, slowly at first but getting faster and faster, Dean's hips meeting his fingers as he went down. Dean thrusted his cock against the wall in front of him, begging to have any friction against his throbbing cock. Dean groaned louder as Cas started moving his fingers faster, scissoring deep inside Dean.

"Oh...god...ahh...Cas, yes, yes...oh, god..." Dean groaned, pressing his forehead to the wall.

"It's okay, baby," Cas moaned against Dean's back, biting and kissing around his upper back and shoulder blades, occasionally nibbling at Dean's ear. Cas felt Dean become a little looser so he added a third finger, crooking just enough to slightly brush Dean's sweet spot.

"Ahhh," Dean groaned hoarsely. His arms were pinned up against the wall and he clenched his fists tightly, "Right there, Cas. So...good...God, Cas."

Cas smiled, "Just wait 'till my dick nails it."

Dean's teeth suddenly clattered together and his stomach twisted in arousal. Feelings whirled around in his stomach like a tornado, trying to decide what to throw out at him. He was nervous, scared, exhausted, skeptical, but so mother-fucking horny and turned on that he _wanted _be fucked.

Cas spit in his hand and spread his saliva around his dick, preparing it for Dean, "Ready, Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas." Dean said as he clenched his fists so tight his knuckles cracked. He felt Cas press his dick up against his entrance.

Cas moaned as he very slowly sunk into Dean, "Fuck Dean, you're so fucking tight," He groaned as he leaned his head to Dean's shoulders to place more kisses.

The burning sensation returned, and Dean involuntarily moaned loudly. He tightened his face together and shut his eyes tightly. Dean refused to look terrified but his insides turned to jelly.

Cas groaned as he moved slowly out and then back in again. Dean's tightness and warmth made it almost impossible for Cas to control his impending orgasm. Dean writhed beneath Cas as Cas picked up his speed a little, being greatly rewarded by noises Dean didn't even know he could make. Cas had never seen nor felt anything so fucking hot.

"Nghh...Dean...ahh." Cas moaned loudly.

"Oh god, Cas..." Dean groaned loudly as he felt Cas brush against his sweet spot, "Fuck! Right there!"

Dean grabbed his own pulsing cock and jerked it as he thrusted his hips down to meet Cas'.

The noises coming from Dean were driving Cas insane. All the blood in his body had seemed to go to his throbbing erection, which only appeared to make Dean's ass seem tighter. Cas began to thrust faster inside him, feeling his orgasm start to climb higher and higher. Cas put a sloppy kiss against the nape of Dean's neck.

Cas knew he was sweating, but he couldn't tell by the hot water still pouring onto them both. Dean arched his back, suddenly feeling his orgasm begin to explode out of nowhere. He felt the pulse of his own blood in his own hard cock. His whole body trembled as he felt his orgasm suddenly burst.

"Fuck, Cas! I'm coming!" Dean screamed as he felt Cas pump even harder inside him. Cas closed his eyes as he tried to keep himself up with his legs, but his hips had a mind of their own. Dean winced and screamed, throwing his head back.

"Yes! Oh yes...yes, Dean!" Cas said as his legs started to shake, and unable to hold himself anymore, he clutched onto Dean's hips as he released inside him.  
They both breathed heavily for a few moments, letting the hot water rinse them. Cas placed a kiss on Dean's shoulder before turning him over and placing a small kiss on his weak lips. Dean was still out of breath, and his body remained weak and tender.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Cas asked solemnly as he rubbed Dean's arm. Still out of breath, Dean nodded slightly and smiled.

"Next time, I'm fucking you so hard you'll be sore for days." Dean mumbled to him as he pecked Cas on the lips. He turned the hot water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel for him and Cas both. Dean handed Cas a towel before he wrapped his around his waist and hastily walked out of the bathroom and to the dresser.

"Is that a promise?" Cas laughed as he yelled to him, wrapping the towel around his hips.

"It's a promise." Dean yelled back almost instantly.

* * *

"What time are you leaving on Saturday?" Cas asked as he lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He nuzzled tightly into Dean's bare side. The chirping crickets outside overwhelmed him.

"Nine." Dean said, wrapping his arm around Cas' bare skin and pressing Cas into the side of his body. He pulled the sheets up across the two of them. His fingernails brushed the sides of Cas' face.

"And what time are you coming home?" Cas murmered as he began tracing shaped across Dean's chest. Cas took a deep breath in and smiled. Still the same cheap cologne he wore all through college. Cas was convinced he'd wore it so much that it just latched onto his skin. That he didn't even need to spray it anymore. He still smiled every time he smelled it.

"Probably Monday, late at night."

"Oh," Cas breathed almost silently. He never liked when Dean was gone for more than a day, even if it was just for work. Ever since Sam landed him a job as his co-buyer for _Intel_, Dean had been off and away every so often. Him and Sam would drive for hours, all the way across the country for just one singe meeting because Dean refused to pay for the airline tickets, no matter how hard Cas coaxed him. Dean was set on saving his money as much as he could. Saving his money to buy a house for him and Cas.

"You gonna miss me?" Dean said as he leaned his head on top of Cas' His nose was filled with the fresh minty scent of Cas' hair.

"No," Cas responded quickly, "I actually can't wait for you to leave so I can have a bunch of guys over for an orgy." Cas said trailing his voice deeply.

Dean cleared his throat, "Just remember to wash the sheets after."

Cas shook his head and laughed. His fingers trailed to Dean's right side, just in the middle of his ribcage. Cas brushed against a bump on Deans skin. He ran his thumb over the slightly thick-ish scar on the right side of his ribs and flinched his eyebrows. Despite Cas and Dean being together, Dean hardly talked about his past, or even his childhood. The only thing Dean brought with him to the apartment was clothes and furniture. Never any pictures, photo-albums, no nothing. Of course, Cas had met Dean's brother, Sam multiple times, but never anyone else, mainly because Dean had never offered. He figured that Dean just didn't want to talk about it. Cas never questioned it.

But as he lay nudged into Dean, he somehow felt compelled to ask about the scar.

"Dean?" He asked cautiously, feeling a spark of unease grow in his belly.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"How did you get this scar? On the right side of your ribs?" Cas asked, gently running his thumb over the hardly-noticeable bump on his skin. Dean shifted slightly to peak over to where Cas' thumb was. Cas hoped he hadn't made Dean uncomfortable. Cas bit his lip and his eyes soon trailed across the room.

"Oh," Dean said shyly, "Hunting trip with my dad." Dean said sitting up a little in the bed. He was happy the room was dark so Cas could barely see the undisclosed look on his face. He looked down at Cas who was already staring up at him. Even in the dark room, Cas' eyes caught every light that the room projected, allowing Dean to see tiny glimpses of the deep ocean.

"What happened?" Cas asked timidly. He was excited and nervous at the same time. Each feeling was fighting each other to find a winner but neither could find the strength to pull out on top. So they continued to stay fighting.

"I was young, real young," Dean stopped to clear his throat, "And ah-my dad, he was teaching me how to hunt. Just kind-of a family business thing, I guess," Dean paused for a second. His arm was still wrapped around Cas, and Cas drew his attention quickly to Deans hand on his shoulder. He was picking at his nails. Cas felt bad for asking.

"You don't have to tell me," Cas said grabbing the hand on his shoulder to avoid hearing the sharp cracking of nails. He entwined his fingers with Deans and held tightly.

"No, I want to," Dean said smiling to himself before continuing, "So, my Dad was teaching me all this basic stuff when he said that he thought he dropped a few bullets on the trail behind us. He told me to stay where I was for a minute so he could go look," Dean said deeply as he started tapping his other hand on his chest. It didn't make much noise, but to Cas it was as loud and clear as a fire alarm.

Dean took a breath, "It was a few minutes after he left when I heard some noise in the bushes behind me. Of course, I assumed it was my Dad, but boy, was I wrong."

Cas swallowed hard and looked up at Dean. Dean seemed to be in a phase of trance. His eyes were fixed sharply in front of him, as if he were having a staring contest with a statue.

Dean knew he was staring straight in front of him at an empty wall, but all he saw was the faint images from that day. He tried hard to blink but he felt like if he blinked he would forget. So he sat there, unable to move or blink, and continued talking, "It was a bear. A baby one, was hardly even taller than me to be honest. It came out of the bushes slowly, but to me it seemed so fast. It was like I was a deer in headlights. I couldn't move. All I did was stand there and stare, unsure of whatever was going to happen."

Cas' stomach started to ache. The feelings that were fighting in his stomach had finally come to a close. He could feel his palms start to sweat as the hoarse tone in Dean's voice filled the room. He wasn't excited anymore. He was scared.

Dean continued, "And all of a sudden I hear, _'Dean shoot it'_. I didn't even need to turn around to know it was my dad. '_Come on, son. Shoot it!'_ he said. I cocked up my gun but there was no use. I couldn't shoot it. Just knowing that it was a kid, just like me...I just- I couldn't'." Dean paused again. His stare increased rapidly and it was suddenly as if he were there, standing in front of the bear again, " _'Dean! You idiot! Be a man and shoot it!' _" He shouted louder, attempting to mimic his fathers yell.

Cas flinched when Dean raised his voice. The last time he had heard Dean yell like that was in college, at _him. _It reminded him of when Dean hated him. His body seemed to inadvertently scrunch up closer into Dean.

" And then all of a sudden it came at me, swatted its paw out. And then..." Dean suddenly broke his trance and reverted his eyes back to Cas, "..._boom. _My dad shot it. It all happened so fast...I hardly even realized that it scratched me."

Cas ran his thumb over the bump again.

Dean cleared his throat, "And as it lay there, flinching, twitching with pain, I was suddenly a deer in headlights again. Watching the damage as I was the one that got to run free. I was the deer. The idiot deer who caused calamity."

Cas didn't have anything to say. He closed his eyes and suddenly felt a single drip of water slide briskly down his cheek and to his upper lip. He licked it off and tasted the bitter salt water.

Dean looked down at Cas, "Kinda like when I met you."

Cas looked up at Dean in confusion.

"You were the soft, quiet deer and I was the driver."

"A deer in headlights?" Cas responded quickly, suddenly feeling a heavy weight press onto his chest.

"What? You've never heard that expression before?"

"No, not really," Cas swallowed, "But, did I cause calamity? Is that what you're saying? I'm not sure I understand."

"No, not exactly," Dean said leaning his head on top of Cas' again and kissing his hair, "I mean, you are _my _deer in headlights. When I saw you, I lost control. Lost control of who I was, where I was. You just stood standing there, helpless, at my control. But at the same time, you also had me at the palm of your hand. Even if you were the idiot deer who would suddenly put yourself in the middle of danger, I still would try my best to keep you from being hit."


	2. Chapter 2

"Don't you think this apartment is one species short?"

Dean looked at Cas as if he had three heads, "Excuse me?"

Cas put down the spoon of cereal that he was about to shove into his mouth, "I think we should get a puppy."

Dean stared at Cas for a few moments, eyebrows clenched, "This apartment is wild enough. And they smell." Dean said scrunching up his nose as if the apartment suddenly had a 'wet dog smell'. It's not that he didn't _want _a dog, it's that he's never _had _one. Or, any pet for that matter. The thought of taking care of a puppy reminded him of taking care of Sam, and all the issues that came along with that already. Dean shook his head. It was _way _to early in the morning for him to think about this.

"Okay," Cas said, then shoving the spoon into his mouth. Dean could see right past the _'okay_', and straight into the '_c'mon pleeeeasseee_'. Saying no to Cas was something Dean hated, although Cas never said anything otherwise.

Cas looked up at Dean who already had his eyes locked sharply on him.

_Why is he staring into my soul..._ Cas thought. He continued to stare at Dean as he shoved another spoonful into his mouth, "Can I help you?"

Dean started picking through his mind, trying to find a solid reason to say _yes _to Cas. He expelled the inevitable truth from behind his mind, "Alright, Cas. We can get one. A small one though. I don't think were allowed to have big ones in here."

Cas felt a jump in his chest, "Really?!" He said, accidentally spilling some milk out of his mouth and letting in dribble down his chin.

Dean laughed, "Yeah, he can keep you company while I'm on business."

And he meant it when he said that. He knew how upset and lonely Cas got when he was away, what better idea was there than having a pet around? Dean was definitely not going to let a _friend_ stay with him, in the reason of utter jealousy.

"Yes!" Cas yelled, "What should we name him?!"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down there Cas. We should-"

Cas cut him off, "We should name him something different. Like not a normal dog name,"

"Okay, Cas," Dean said lifting himself off the couch and grabbing his coat from behind the front door. He walked over to Cas, still inhaling the bowl of _Frosted Flakes, _and placed a kiss on his forehead, "Whatever you want."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Cas always smiled when Dean made him promises. Cas trusted him, and he knew Dean wold keep them,"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, real quickly. I'll be home by four," Dean looked at the clock: _11:07, _"I just have to stop by the office." Dean lied. Of course he was going out for that dog.

Dean left hastily, and Cas could barely retain his laugh until Dean left. He stared running ideas through his mind, "A different name. Hmm..."

He shoved more cereal into his mouth, knowing that in a couple of hours, there would be a new addition to the family.

* * *

"So how much do I owe you?"

"Seven-hundred," The breeder said, sticking out the palm of his hand toward Dean.

Dean choked on his own breath, "Seven-hundred? For that prissy ass _pomegranate_-er whatever you call it?"

The breeder rolled his eyes, "_Pomeranian,_" He snarled at him, giving Dean the stereotypical _"you're an idiot because you're good looking" _look.

"Yeah sure, whatever." Dean said with a deep sigh. Seven-hundred dollars was a hell of a lot of money for some dog that was basically the size of head. It was almost all the money Dean had saved from helping his Uncle Bobby at the repair shop. His temples started to throb, "Six-hundred." He said sternly, and the breeder chucked almost instantly.

"Seven-hundred."

"Six-fifty.'

"Seven-hundred."

"Six-seventy five?"

"Seven-hundred."

"Six-ninety nine and ninety nine cents?"

The breeder smiled sarcastically, "Fine." He said, pushing some buttons on his cash register, 'Alright your total is, plus tax, fucking seven-hundred dollars. Now it's either that or no dog."

Dean made a disgusted choking noise in the back of his throat, "Fine! I'll take the damn _pomegranate _for seven-hundred, jesus."

"_POMERANIAN!_" The breeder yelled at him, snatching the money from his hand.

Dean gritted his teeth and slammed his fist on the counter top, making the cash register bounce and the change inside it jingled, "You want my seven-hundred? If I'm buying the damn fruit, I can call it whatever I want!"

The breeder squinted his eyes at him and muttered under his breath, "It's not a fucking _fruit_ you dim-witted-" He mumbled before cutting himself off. He wasn't going to lose seven-hundred bucks because of his temper.

"You know," Dean started to say, trailing his voice off as he picked up the small, fluffy dog in the cage, along with the small amount of dog-food that came with him, "I think I might just name him _Pomegranate._" Dean chuckled as he lifted the cage to his eye-level, smiling sarcastically, "What do you think?"

The breeder stared at him for a long time, eyes piercing straight into Dean's soul. Dean smiled and blinked slowly as he tilted his head up. Dean could tell that the breeder wanted to jump over the counter and strangle him in that very moment, but telling by his out of shape form, sweaty neck, uneven stubble around his jaw-line, taped up glasses that barely held up on his substantially big nose, and the occasional pimple or two- Dean could tell that the only jumping he would be doing was at home on a controller in the pitch black darkness as his mother cooks him chicken nuggets and mac n' cheese.

"You have a shitty day, sir." The breeder managed to utter out, flashing a painfully awkward smile.

"I'll try my best, but you see, this dog just may end up getting me laid later. So I'll get back to you on that." Dean said, backing up into the door and pushing it open as he flashed a pointed finger to the breeder and gave a sly wink. He strutted out of the crappy old building, flashing a smile that only he seemed to notice, "Damn, I'm smooth."

* * *

"Castiel?" Dean shouted as he walked into their apartment, a little earlier than he had expected to be home. He drove far from the apartment, hoping to find the _cheapest _breeder that would sell small dogs. Unfortunately the smaller dogs are usually the ones more expensive. He draped a dark cloth over the cage in order to suprise Cas, but of course Dean knew that once Cas saw him with a big box, there was no guessing what was in it.

"Is he here? Where is he?!" Cas shouted from their bedroom. Dean shut his eyes and chortled. Cas wasn't an idiot, Dean should've known Cas would figure it out.

"Come look for yourself," Dean shouted back, seeing no reason to keep the tarp on the cage anymore, so he ripped it off and set the cage down on the floor, unlocking it and letting the small dog take his first steps into his new home.

He heard the shuffle of Castiel's socks brush roughly and quickly against the carpet. He kneeled down to pet the ball of fluff as Cas rushed in.

"Oh my god," Cas mumbled. He felt like a little kid getting a dog for the first time. His parents were strict when he was younger, never allowing him to get any type of pet. Having barely any friends when he was a kid, he really counted on his parents to allow him a dog, but they never came around to it. They always said no. That's why he loved Dean, because he could never say no. "It's-it's a-a-ahh..what is it?"

Dean laughed and sat on the floor, petting the dog and letting him lick his fingers, "It's a _pomeranian_,"

"It's adorable," Cas said slumping on the floor next to Dean. He held his fingers up and the dog sniffed a while before licking the tips of his hands, "Destiel's adorable."

"Wha-?" Dean said, scrunching the corner of his lip up into a crooked line, "Did you just say-"

"Destiel." Cas interuptted, still patting the little dog on the head, "I was playing around with our names while you were gone. I thought Destiel was kind'ave...-"

"Cute," Dean said as he curled his hand around Cas' waist, pulling them together and leaning his head against the side of Cas' face. "Destiel..." Dean repeated, his eyes trailing from Cas' lips to the small dog again, who was already looking up at him with the big brown eyes that seemed to be way to big for his body proportion, but still made him cute anyway, "Destiel. I like the sound of that."

* * *

Dean left for his business trip after their goodbyes. The long, soft kiss that kind'ave ended up with Dean having to re-tie his tie and Castiel having to re-buckle his belt.

But after that, Cas watched out the window of their apartment as Dean slowly pulled the Impala out of the parking space and rush away, the motor roaring.

He missed him already. Usually when Dean left for work on a normal day, Cas didn't miss him, because he knew Dean was coming home that night, and he'd be able to wrap himself in Dean's warmth and kiss him and entwine his fingers in his hair. He missed him knowing that tonight, tomorrow, and the night after, he wouldn't be able to do that.

Instead, he let Destiel up onto the bed and let him cuddle in the crook of his legs. His wagging tail bumped against Cas' leg as he tried to sleep. Even though it was bothersome, and kept Cas up awhile, Cas still smiled, knowing that he wasn't alone tonight.

* * *

The next day, Cas slept in until about noon. He was awoken by little barks, suddenly realizing that he needed to feed the dog. He hopped out of bed, his eyes trailing over to see Dean's empty side.

"Two more days," Cas whispered, rubbing his eyes. The dog continued to bark and the neighbors suddenly started to bang against the wall.

"Shut that dog up or I'm callin' the landlord!" A muffled man's voice said. Cas jumped out of bed and scooped up Destiel, who was scratching his paw at the cabinet.

Cas opened the cabinet and popped open a can, "Sorry!" He screamed back. He looked down at Destiel who had his head completely devoured by the can of food. He patted the fluff down on his back, "Don't worry, bud. I'm not going to let them take you away."

Destiel looked up at Cas and licked his lips before planting his head back down into the can again.

After a quick shower, Cas decided to take Destiel out for a walk. He almost felt the urge to flip open his phone and text Dean not to worry if he came home and he wasn't there, but then he remembered _Dean _wasn't there. He never knew why it bothered him so much, to have Dean gone. It was only for a few days, but Cas had always attached himself to people. And he was always worried that Dean was going to _cheat _on him. He knew how attractive Dean was, there was no denying it, and there was always the spark of fear, or _jealousy_, that turned in his stomach when he left. _  
_

It's not that Cas didn't trust _Dean_, but Cas didn't trust _other guys_. Since finding out Dean was gay, every guy that came across their path was considered a threat to Cas.

Cas adjusted the red collar around Destiel and led him outside. Cas was greeted by a gust of cool wind as he stepped out the apartment doors, trailing his eyes over to where the Impala _was _usually parked.

Destiel barked, tugging on his collar. His tongue hung out of his mouth and his tail wagged powerfully, walking his paws toward the street, leading him away from the apartment, as if to distract Cas.

"Alright, alright. I'm comin'." Cas said as he shook the weight off his shoulders and continued his walk with his new friend. Destiel often liked to pick up things and carry them in mouth until he found something better, which he then traded the old object for, walking along the trail until he spotted his new prize, repeating the process. Cas smiled every time the little pup found something new to discover, "You're a curious little one, aren't you?"

Destiel turned his head, looking at Cas with a rather large stick in-between his teeth. Cas was shocked that Destiel even turned his head to look at him when he talked. Like he was _listening. _

Cas stared down into the big brown eyes when Destiel suddenly booked it into the park, causing Cas to unintentionally let go of the leash.

"No! Hey!" Cas screamed as he ran after him, only to find the little dog burrowed in a small patch of grass with a frisbee in his mouth, "Don't do that! Dammit!" Cas bent down to entwine the leash with his hand again, tightening his grip. Destiel looked almost..._sad. _He dropped the frisbee from his mouth and dropped his head to his paws. Cas patted the pup on the head and took the frisbee, "Now who's is this, huh?"

"I believe that's mine." Someone spoke from behind Cas, casting a shadow over him. He turned to look up at him, but could only see the black silhouette, since the sun was behind him making it difficult to read his face. He stood up off the ground and handed the man the frisbee, letting his eyes adjust from the bright sun. The colorful dots in his eyes faded, and the man's face became clear.

Cas thought he felt his heart skip a beat...or two.

"Gabe?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Cassie. How's it hangin'?" Gabe asked, taking the frisbee and putting it by his side, where soon a Rottweiler had come up beside him and taken the toy into his mouth. Destiel hid behind Cas' legs.

For someone who hadn't spoken to Cas in months, despite what they'd been through, Gabe seemed awfully calm. Cas on the other hand, was not. He hadn't the slightest clue of what had happened to him after college. He hadn't returned any of Cas' calls, texts, or even letters. Gabe hadn't spoken to him in _months. Months. _And Cas was more than confused about what had happened to him, after what Gabe..._admitted._

And how _dare _he call him _Cassie._

"Good," Cas said, despite the anger that he was feeling. He wasn't boiling, however he was more confused than angry. Gabe had told Cas that he _loved _him. That's not just something you can forget, "And yourself?" Cas felt like his throat was throbbing.

"Eh, y'know, same 'ol, same 'ol." Gabe said with enthusiasm, his smile beaming at Cas, which in all honesty, made Cas uncomfortable.

_No, I don't know..._ Cas thought. Gabe's happy demeanor was pissing Cas off. Cas wanted to ask him what the fuck had happened, but the words were buried to deep into his stomach, and his throat refused to throw them up. The words made his stomach ache. It suddenly dawned on Cas...that something about this was not right. Not right _at all. _

"What're you doing here? In L.A.?" Cas asked, his mind swirling into his imagination as he guessed the unknown that lied ahead, "You-I mean-how did you end up here? So far from college in Kansas? And you're just..._here_?"

"I had to come here for," Gabe stalled for a few moments, tugging at the frisbee in his dogs mouth. He tried to make himself seem like he had been perfectly fine since the _incident,_ "work."

The words were sent spiraling through the air, piercing through Cas' chest and torso without consideration, without real meaning or relevance, and with more speed than the fastest of living things. Cas was overwhelmed by the emotion he had, assuming this so-called-conversation would accompany such a unwholesome end. "What do you do?"

"Bartend." Gabe said almost instantly, "Good pay here in Cali,"

"Oh. Uh, yeah," Cas said feeling a wave of anxiety breeze through him, making his breathing a little more difficult. He felt Destiel tug at the end of his shoe, pulling him backwards. It was silent for a few moments, the air becoming even more awkward than before, if it was even remotely possible. Cas chewed on the inside of his cheek, begging for anything, _anything_ to happen that would get him away from there. A phone call, a text, his dog running away, a car crash, a fucking meteor crashing for Christ sake.

Gabe spoke up again, even more enthusiastic than before, which continued to make Cas uneasy, "Hey, if you ever want to get together for dinner or something, call me."

Cas was glad Gabe spoke up so he didn't have to do it, but was now in a very awkward situation, considering this was a _gay _guy asking him out to _dinner. _Dean would notbe happy about it. It dawned on him that this was _Gabe_, though. His best friend, the guy who's been with him since his freshman year in college. The guy who practically was there for him through anything, and was a friend to him when no one else dared to be.

"Yeah-um-yes. Sure, Gabe." Cas said trying to force a smile out, but he could tell by the expression on Gabe's face that he didn't force hard enough.

"So who's this little fluffy creature?" Gabe said squating down to pet Destiel, but Destiel remained behind Cas' legs and barked and growled when Gabe reached his hands out to pat him.

_Good boy, _Cas thought, smiling to himself. "Sorry, he's shy." Cas said as Gabe stood up again.

"That's one aggressive ball of fluff," Gabe said eyeing the dog again,"What's his name?"

Cas swallowed hard, "Destiel." His cheeks started to fluster. He had never felt more painfully uncomfortable in his life.

Gabe made an almost disgusted face, "Destiel? That's-uh, different. Why did you name him that?" Gabe said chuckling in the back of his throat.

If there was ever anything more disturbingly uncomfortable and inconvenient in his life, this situation had basically kicked it in the ass. And it kicked hard. Every single one of his six senses was occupied by the sense of just plain awkwardness, "He's-It's uh, a mix of names," Cas said biting his lip so hard he could taste the metallic liquid of blood.

Gabe nodded his head, raising his eyebrows and rolling his fingers forward, motioning for Cas to continue.

"It's-it's Dean and Castiel. Our, uh, names mixed together."

Gabe laughed loudly, "That's cute!"

Cas clenched his eyebrows. _Is this some kind of sick joke? _He thought. This was someone who basically had forced Cas to stay away from Dean, got mad at even the slightest mention of his name. Someone who told Dean to fuck off and leave, telling Cas that Dean didn't love him and never would. And now, struck by the sudden impact of doubt, Cas couldn't even respond to him, in the fear that if he opened his mouth he would just uncontrollably burst out a _"what the fuck"_ at him.

"Alright, Cassie," Gabe said, picking up on Cas' change in emotion, "I gotta go, catch you later alligator!"

_Don't you dare even call me 'Cassie', let alone 'alligator'_, Cas thought. "Bye." He managed to mutter out, surprised by how nice he was able to say it.

Cas had never more happy in his life to see Gabe walk away from him. It was all so weird. Seeing his _best friend _was _weird. _He got the sudden urge to call Dean, so he fished in his pocket for his phone and dialed the numbers before he felt a tug at the bottom of his jeans again.

Cas gazed down at the little dog toying with his pants as his thumb wavered over the _send _button. Destiel barked and Cas shut his phone, "You're right, Des. I shouldn't." Cas took a moment to laugh at himself. _I'm talking to a dog, _he pondered, laughing even more. But at the same time, Destiel wasn't just a dog to him. He reminded Cas that he had a sort of...family. And Destiel seemed to comprehend Cas very well, even if he was an animal.

Dean and Gabriel were most certainly _not _on good terms. Probably the worst of terms any two people could be on. Cas tried to talk to Dean about what had happened, attempting to decipher what Gabe had done to him, or what he had done to Gabe, or how Gabe had even gotten that recording of Dean talking about his first intentions toward Cas. But Dean never answered him. It made him angry, more angry than Cas had ever seen him, enough for Dean to raise his voice to loudly that Cas became horrified of him for the time he yelled. Eventually Cas stopped asking, and he remained knowing the unknown.

Destiel tugged at his pants again, then running forward to lead Cas out of the park. "Jesus, Des. Calm down."

* * *

Cas woke up a few hours later from a nap. Destiel was crooked in his legs again, and as soon as he sat up, Destiel perked up too, yawning and having his tongue flop out of his mouth. He checked his phone and found that he had a few messages from Dean, each received while he was napping and each about fifteen minutes apart.

_**How's that orgy going? Remember to clean the sheets after!**_

_**I guess you're to busy with that orgy to respond.**_

_**Miss you baby, call me when you wake up.**_

It wasn't even the fact that Dean brought up the orgy that made him laugh, it was the fact that Dean knew that Cas was just napping that made him smile and have a sudden tingly, warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He decided he would call Dean before he went to sleep. He trotted out of bed and flopped on the couch, turning on the T.V. to _Family Guy, _and letting Destiel jump up onto his lap.

Sometimes when Cas laughed at a joke from the show, he would look down at Destiel and say, "That was pretty funny, don't you think?" And Destiel would bark at him, not a loud and alarming bark, but a soft one. Cas felt really comfortable with his pup when Dean was gone, and he felt like he didn't really have to try to be someone he wasn't, as opposed to if an actual person was there with him. He could sit all day in his boxer shorts with messy hair and he didn't have to shave. He could laugh at stupid television joked so hard that he ended up snorting, or talk to him all day, rather than barely even talking at all if no one was there at all. In even just a day, Cas loved him.

After a quick late night dinner, Cas crawled into bed. Destiel was fast and sound asleep on the couch, so Cas took the quiet and alone opportunity to call Dean. Each ring excited him more and more, and his ears ached to hear Dean's deep voice again. The phone picked up after three rings.

"Cas!," Dean said excitingly, as if he had been waiting all day to hear from Cas.

Cas smiled, "Hey, Dean! How's it going?"

"Okay I guess. Meeting was boring and I'm pretty sure my shin is bruised from Sam kicking me under the table trying to wake me up. I'd rather be with you, though. Do anything today?"

Cas thought of Gabe. He wanted so badly to bring it up, not to piss him off but mainly to tell him how suspiciously weird it was, but Cas knew how Dean felt about him. "No. I just took Des for a walk and came home. It's pretty boring here too."

Dean muffled a laugh, "Giving him nicknames already?"

Cas clenched his eyebrows. He hadn't even realized he started to call Destiel, _Des. _"Yeah, I guess so. Is that okay with you?"

"It's fine baby. Whatever you want."

Cas smiled whenever Dean called him baby, it reminded him that he was Dean's, and Dean was his. "Where's Sam tonight?"

"Next hotel room over. We got separate rooms," Dean cleared his throat, "Get's pretty lonely sleeping by myself..." His voice trailed off.

Cas wanted more than anything to agree with him, but he couldn't lie to him. He wasn't lonely. Not lonely at all. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything fast enough.

"I want to be with you right now," Dean spoke up again, clearing the awkward silence.

Cas grinned, a heated feeling rising in his stomach, "Really? What would you do?"

Cas heard Dean take a long breath, "Well I'd probably tear your clothes off, running my tongue everywhere across your body, biting at your hips and inner thighs." He groaned deeply, and Cas heard the ruffle of sheets on the other line.

Cas blushed deeply in the darkness and solitude of their room, and the heated feeling in his stomach now spread to his dick, which was begging for Dean's hands to touch it, but Cas had to settle for his own hands.

"Would you like that, baby?" Dean groaned again, his voice hoarse sounding, tired and exhausted, and it made Cas even hotter.

"Mmm...yeah, Dean. Touch me," Cas moaned, running his hand down his bare chest and stomach, over and across his growing erection. He wiggled down his pants and wrapped his cold hands around his semi-hard cock.

"Touch yourself for me, make believe its my mouth wrapping around your dick."

It was the kind of calm yet confident demand, and Cas had no power to feign resistance to. He stroked slowly up and down his now full erection. His toes curled and he moaned into the phone, feeling suddenly like Dean was there, enclosing his wet lips to Cas' cock, going down until Cas could feel the back of Dean's throat. "Mmm...Dean, yes...that feels so good, baby."

"Imagine me, running my hands up across your body, scratching at your skin as I suck you hard, taking you all into my mouth," Dean breathed heavily, as he too had his own hand wrapped around his dick, pumping hard.

"Oh god, Dean," Cas groaned, arching his back a little, aching to feel Dean's hips thrust against his, "I want you. I want you to fuck me, please Dean."

The image of Cas touching himself unfolded in Dean's mind and it drove him insane, "How bad do you want it, baby? Beg for me. Beg for my dick."

The aching in Cas' body was becoming unbearable, almost painful that Dean wasn't actually there with him. He shut his eyes and could almost feel Dean's body on top of his, caressing and putting sloppy kisses across his neck and chest, biting his bottom lip. No one had ever loved Cas with his mouth like Dean did, with patience and dedication, so focused on pleasuring Cas and ignoring his own need, but that was only because Cas grew with every sound elicited from Dean.

"God, Dean. I need you so badly. Please, please fuck me." His breathing was now coming out in short and shallow puffs, and he could hear Dean panting on the other line too. Cas was pumping and squeezing his cock hard, and he never wanted Dean more badly in his life than he did at that moment. His own hands weren't able to please himself as well as Dean could.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean groaned longingly, feeling his own orgasm started to grow, "I want to slam my hips into you. God, I can feel you around my cock already."

Every drop of blood, every conscious thought, every molecule of oxygen, every feeling and every shiver were concentrated into Cas' stomach and it drove him insane. He imagined Dean's hips pounding against his, forcing his legs apart, controlling him, the strong force of Dean's impact sending him flying almost off the bed. His stomach twisted into a knot as he stroked his shaft harder.

"Oh, Dean," Cas moaned, bucking his hips forward, "I can feel you inside me."

Dean groaned loudly, and Cas smiled, happy to know that he could lead Dean out of control with the sound of his voice.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean couldn't stand it, the tension in his body, heated and sweaty now, his flesh screaming for him, "So...fucking tight...so good, Cas...baby."

Cas shut his eyes tightly when he heard his raspy breathing and thick tone, thinking about his strong arms pulling him tight, grinding his hips, pressing deep into him against his sweet spot. He tried to speak, but his mind was elsewhere, imaging Dean being there with him, basically tearing him apart as he thrusted himself into Cas. He managed to utter out a moan, but that was all he could formulate.

"Cas I want you to ride me," Dean spoke again, his voice low and hoarse, "Ride me like the fucking slut you are."

It was hard to talk but at the same time it was as if Cas couldn't shut himself up, moaning and grinding his hips against the bed, his legs trembling slightly as he worked his cock, feeling himself come close to his peak. "Fuck, Dean...I want to ride you so hard...so deep, oh god yes!"

"You gonna come for me, baby?" Dean groaned, suddenly out of breath from jerking himself.

"Yes, Dean, oh fuck yes! Im gonna come, oh god!" Cas could feel it coming now, the twinge in his stomach was so strong, so powerful, his whole body shook with force. He arched his back, screaming Dean's name through the phone.

"Yeah baby, that's right Cas, come for me, oh god baby!" Dean groaned loudly and all Cas could hear now was his grunts and then labored breaths and Cas knew Dean just came, and the thought of it, of the look on his face, the heat from his body, made Cas come almost instantly.

Cas relaxed in his bed, his body a complete and total exhausted mess. He breathed heavily into the phone, Dean's loud breath almost syncing perfectly with Cas'.

"God, Cas," Dean choked out, "That was...was-"

"Amazing." Cas finished for him, satisfyingly smiling to himself.

Dean laughed, shallow and short, still out o breath, "I can't wait until I come home, so we can actually have some fun."

Cas reached over to his bed side table to grab a tissue and clean himself up, "Mmm, Dean..I can't wait. I need you, so bad..."

"Hey, don't get me started again I just cleaned up."

Cas laughed, wiping the thin sheet of sweat off his forehead, "Sorry. I'll call you tomorrow."

It was silent for a moment, and Cas could vaguely hear Dean's breath, but he could hear it just enough to know he was still there.

"I love you." Dean muttered, sounding a little off key.

Cas smiled, his stomach sparking a warm feeling, "I love you too."

And then Cas hung up.


	4. Chapter 4

The next days had gone by very quickly. Cas and Destiel spent every waking moment together. Watching TV, going on walks, and Cas even took him to get him ice cream a few times. They would sit on the bench in the park, and Cas would talk and talk and talk, and Destiel would listen.

Cas was thrilled to have someone there with him while Dean was away, allowing him to be able to release all the pent up worry he had. Cas would even tell Destiel things that he had never told Dean before.

On the last night before Dean came home, Cas lay wide awake in bed, staring at the ceiling as Destiel resumed his usual spot, crooked in Cas' legs. Cas toyed with his pup's long shaggy hair.

"I don't know how I could've gotten through this weekend without you, bud." Cas said his voice filled with exhaustion and weariness. Destiel popped his head up and yawned before he pawed at Cas' leg.

Cas smiled and shut his eyes. He almost wished he could've had a few extra days alone with his new best friend.

* * *

"He said ten minutes, I swear to it," Cas muttered. Destiel's head followed Cas as he paced back and fourth across his apartment. He checked his phone, for the _eighth _time now, thinking that maybe the other seven times he had checked the text that he had read it wrong the last time.

Nope. He had read it right.

_**I'll be home in ten.**_

The text from Dean was printed clearly on the phone, and Cas grunted as he slammed it shut. "God dammit! He said ten fucking minutes! It's been an hour!" He whined. He stared at his dog and pointed his index finger at him, squinting his eyes, "And I am not overreacting okay. Five or ten minutes is enough leeway for someone, but no, not a fucking hour."

Destiel remained seated on the couch cushion, glassy eyed and tongue bouncing out of his mouth. Destiel's breathing noises were driving Cas insane. Every sound, every movement, even every thought that whirled by Cas made him down right more pissed off than he had been a few minutes ago. He tried more than anything to fight the urge to break something, but couldn't stop himself from kicking one of the only two wooden chairs at their dining table, snapping one of the legs in two and causing the chair to lean askew.

His initial feeling wasn't _anger, _but it was _fear. _Fear that something had happened to him, that he had been reckless and not paying attention and got into a car accident or something. Knowing Dean as well as Cas did he knew Dean couldn't have been beaten or mugged, because Dean could kick any muggers balls off. So that theory was out of the question.

Cas knew Dean cared for that damn Impala of his more than he probably should care about a car, so getting into a car accident was highly unlikely unless someone bumped him from the back. He was still wavering around the home phone, hoping he wouldn't get a phone call saying that Dean had shot a guy in the dick for rearing him.

The only thought, the only theory that really crossed Cas' mind was that Dean was _cheating _on him. That he had maybe stopped at a gas station and ended up fucking the register boy over the counter for a free candy bar. The more he thought, the more he believed, and the more angrier he became. After an hour of not showing up, Cas was just about ready to rip Dean's head off.

Now two hours had passed, and Cas was on the verge of ripping his _own _head off. Cas cursed and grunted to himself in the solidarity of his own home, with only Destiel to judge him, who was in fact still in the same spot as before, continuing to watch Cas drive _himself _insane. A hollow, deep hole was being carved into Cas' chest, quickly being filled with the feeling of rage and fury. Dean wasn't returning any of the calls, texts, or voicemails Cas had left him. Eventually, Cas had to put his phone down in the fear that he might chuck it across the room any second.

Cas turned to Destiel again, " I swear on God's green Earth, if that fucker doesn't get his-"

Cas was cut off by the door plowing open.

"Hey!" Dean's face beamed as he yelled in the doorway, dropping his bags on the ground and opening up his arms, expecting Cas to come running into them.

Cas did run to him, but with no intention of a friendly hug. Instead, he ran and punched Dean as hard as he could in the arm. Dean's expression changed drastically as he gripped his shoulder, "What-wha-?" Dean stuttered, stunned because he truly had no idea what was going on.

"I just- you had me worried sick about you!" Cas screamed at him, glad that Dean looked like he was in pain, "What the hell, Dean!?"

"What the hell, Dean what?!" Dean repeated at him, pushing him back so he could shut the door and carry their _conversation_ inside. Cas' pissed off demeanor was completely horrifying to him, as he had _never _seen Cas this pissed off.

"You said ten minutes two hours ago, jackass!"

"Ohhh..." Dean's voice trailed off. He had completely forgotten that he sent that text before he stopped at the bar to grab a drink with Sam. His intentions were to grab one and go, but they had gotten caught up in eachother's company, so they stayed talking. Dean's heart beat picked up when he realized he was in _deep shit. _"Uh, that. Well-I-I-stopped at a bar and-"

Dean's stuttering and hesitation was not making Cas feel any better. Cas cut him off, "Oh so it was the bartender wasn't it? God dammit I knew it." Cas was whipped in the face by a crumpling feeling, suddenly feeling desperate for affection from _anyone _but Dean. He had thought about it so much, he had just assumed that he was _right _when he thought Dean cheated on him.

"Wait-" Dean stopped, holding his hands up and shaking his head, "Do you think, I cheated on you?" Dean said grabbing Cas' shoulders tightly.

Cas shoved Dean's hands off him, backing away, "Did you?"

Dean's expression changed from confused to a simple disheartened appearance. He was a little angry of course, but only because he was disappointed that the thought would even cross Cas' mind, that Cas would even dare to think that he didn't satisfy him enough that he needed to cheat on him, "Castiel," Dean approached him again, clutching on to one shoulder tightly enough that he couldn't run from him, and pointing a finger from the other hand right in his face, "Don't you ever fucking dare think that I would cheat on you. Don't you ever fucking dare tell me that again."

Cas stared at him, still angry, but he could tell that his face wasn't showing it due to Dean's soft eyes gazing at him. Cas wanted Dean to be right. He wanted to be able to say yes and tell him that he would never say or assume that he cheated. But even now, still, after everything they had been together, Cas still had the feeling that Dean was too good for him, and he knew that the feeling would never go away. There was always going to be jealousy, fear and anguish, no matter how hard Dean would tell him to knock it off and get a grip.

"I feel like you _will_ cheat, Dean." The words bursted out of Cas' mouth, racing so fast Cas himself couldn't even stop them.

Dean let go of Cas' shoulders, "I won't! God dammit, I won't! Why can't you see that I love you, Castiel?" Dean screamed at him, hardly unable to control his words either. He would never understand why Cas would never take his word for it. Dean knew that he had made mistakes with Cas before, big ones, but he also knew that you'll never be able to trust someone again until you take the chance of trusting them.

"I just-I- I feel-" Cas stuttered, finding it difficult to put his thoughts into words. A million things were rushing in his mind, screaming at him to be let out, but Cas couldn't release a single one.

"You what, Cas?" Dean screamed again, eyebrows clenched. His jaws were pressed tightly together, grinding his teeth so hard he thought his teeth might crack. Now he was angry. Angry because Cas, his own fucking boyfriend, didn't trust him, didn't have faith in him, wouldn't let him prove that he was being honest.

"You're too good for me, Dean!" Cas bawled at him, finally letting out the first words his mouth could catch from his mind.

Dean's eyebrows unclenched, "You-you think, that _I'm _too good for _you_?"

Cas paused, suddenly feeling his face heat up. He knew he was about to cry, there was no denying it. Just another reason why Dean was too good and always would be was because Cas was an emotional wreck. "You are, Dean."

"Oh my god," Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes around the room, looking anywhere but Cas, "God fucking dammit, Castiel, maybe you're a lot more wonderful, beautiful and special than you give yourself credit for. You think I'm too good for you? You really think that?"

Cas parted his mouth to say something, feeling a little overwhelmed by Deans keen appearance, but Dean cut him off again, "Do you know how many times I have fucked up in my life? Huh?"

"I don't k-"

Dean broke his voice again, "No you don't. You don't know how many times I've fucked up in my life, or all the bad shit I've done. You don't know the half of it, Cas. And, God, you think you don't deserve _me_? I've screwed up things with you so many times and you stay with me. You continue to stay with me and I will never understand why. I will never understand why someone as breathtaking as you can even stand to be around a jackass like me."

"Dean I-"

"And as long as you're the same damn person I fell for, my feeling's won't ever change."

Sometimes, no words can describe how much you love someone. Out of all the millions of words and phrases in the universe, there isn't a single one that can describe it. Cas' mind searched and searched and searched, but it was as if he were only a child, unable to speak english, and all he could do at the very moment was push himself hard enough to stifle a small whimper. Even just being with Dean, even if it was just arguing, made a deep hole in his chest, and demanded to be filled with any affection or emotion from Dean. Sometimes the hole would fill with jealousy, pouring over the edge and leaking all across his body. And Cas would never be able to stop it. He would never be able to stop these unwelcomed feelings while in love with Dean.

They both pulled together for a sudden hug, Dean quickly wrapping his arms around Cas' middle and squeezing him so hard he could barely breathe. Not even aware he was slightly crying, Cas whipped his arms around Dean's neck and shoulders, happy to feel his chilled body be greeted by Dean's warmth.

No matter how hard Cas tried to be mad at him, for being late, for not returning his texts, for being too good for him, Cas just couldn't stay that way. He tried hard to remember what it felt like not more than fifteen minutes ago, standing by the door, worrying about him, becoming infuriated at him. But his love for Dean had slapped him right smack dab in the middle of his face.

"I would do _anything_ for you, Castiel. Please know that." Dean whispered to him, pressing Cas into his chest and gently entwining his fingers in Cas' hair.

Cas laughed, brushing his fingers against the nape of Deans neck, "_Anything,_" Cas repeated laughing even more, "_Sure._" He muttered sarcastically.

Dean pulled away from Cas and cupped his face, "I swear I would, Cas. Really."

"_Your_ definition of anything is probably different from _my_ definition of anything." Cas said closing his hands on Dean's wrists, which were still cupping the back of Cas' face.

"I would die for you, Cas. I promise you."

Cas raised his eyebrows at him and laughed. He pulled away from Dean and walked over to the kitchen where he leaned against the counter and pulled out a glass from the cabinet. Dean stood for a few moments before following him.

"What?" Dean said leaning against the other side of the cabinet so they were face to face, "Do you not believe me?"

Cas chuckled as he sipped a glass of water, "Dean." He said as he locked his eyes hard on Dean's.

"Do you need it in official writing?"

Cas accidentally spit some water back into his glass, "Yes, Dean." He mumbled sarcastically, "It's not official until it's in writing."

Cas laughed as he watched Dean move about the kitchen like an idiot, looking for something to write on and to write with. He finally found a blue crayon and a green packet of sticky notes in a drawer. He begun to print onto the paper, and Cas tried peeking over to look but Dean covered it with his hand when he saw Cas trying to sneak a look. "No peeking," Dean groaned hoarsely.

Cas let out an irritated sigh. Finally, Dean stood up and stuck the note in the center of the refrigerator. "There." He said, satisfied with his now _official _promise.

Cas put down the glass and walked next to Dean to read the note. He entangled his hands with Dean's and held his hand so tightly once he read what Dean had wrote.

_**I promise you, my Castiel, that I would die for you, because I couldn't imagine life without you in it. **_

_**-Dean**_


	5. Chapter 5

The second time Cas saw Gabe, he was more terrified than the last time he had seen him.

Dean was home, loading new stuff into the apartment from the car, and Cas decided that he would do some grocery shopping by himself. He trailed around each isle, pacing back and forth, thinking of recipes Dean would possibly like. There was a can of tomato sauce on the top shelf, and Cas stood on his tip toes, grunting as he reached for the can. He pushed against the other shelves below the top one with his chest, knocking some cans onto the side. He grunted and groaned and stretched as far as he could; with no luck.

"Here," A sudden voice towered above him, reaching over his shoulder and pulling the can down to him.

"Thanks-" Cas said grabbing the can from the man, but suddenly cutting himself off when his blue eyes met the honey hazel one's of Gabe. His heart swelled.

"When you were a child, did your parents have to buy you two booster seats?" Gabe looked at him, smug and scornful, big and wide grin on his face.

Even though his heart was pounding uncontrollably, Cas laughed, "Still the same ol' Gabe, I see." His smile grew as he tucked the can away into the cart.

Gabe stared at Cas like it was the last time he'd ever see him, "I haven't changed, Cassie. _Nothing_ has changed."

Cas' smile faded almost immediately. _Nothing has changed._

_Nothing._

Cas' mind started racing, _Does that mean he still-_

Cas stared into the honey hazel eyes again, "Yeah. I know."

It was silent for a few moments, only the sound of the clicking of shopping cart wheels rolling by them. Cas had almost felt _bad_. For staying so out of touch with him, for completely dropping off the map after he had probably broken Gabe's heart. Cas was his best friend, and he had trusted Cas with a massive and deep secret of his and Cas had completely treated him like _shit._

"You up for some lunch? I'm buyin'." Gabe spoke up, opening his hands out and motioning to go out the door. His eye's were glassy and his pupils almost covered the honey irises around them, his brows pyramiding at the center.

Cas parted his mouth, but it took him a while to stiffle a sound, "I-I-would, Gabe, really, but-"

"It's totally fine," Gabe broke him off, "I get it. Dean'll get mad. Hell, he'd probably implode," Gabe said calmly, but Cas could tell he was not as calm as he appeared to be.

Cas had almost forgotten what Gabe had _done. _Well, he didn't exactly know what Gabe _did_, but he knew that whatever it was, it was _bad. _Bad enough that his own boyfriend disregarded and ignored him whenever he brought it up. But, he was still Gabe. The Gabe that _was_ his best friend. A guilty feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, and Cas bit the inside of his cheek, "Raincheck?"

A wicked smile formed on Gabe's face that made Cas' body uneasy, "I'll hold you to it," Gabe murmured as he backed away, pivoting slowly down the isle and around the corner, humming to himself as he strode.

It took a few moments for Cas to realize that Gabe wasn't even carrying a shopping basket.

* * *

The car ride home from the grocery store was not fun, nor were the thoughts that went through his head during the ride.

When he got to the apartments, he sat in the car for a minute.

"It's _Gabe, _Cas. Get your head together," Cas said as he looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror. There was a huge lump in his throat and no matter how many times Cas swallowed, it only seemed to be coming up more, "It's just _Gabe."_

Cas shook it off, grabbed the bags of groceries and headed up to the apartment. When he got there, the door was already open. He clenched his eyebrows, assuming that Dean would've been done unloading the car by now. He set the groceries down on the counter and peered out the back window; the Impala was there, but the trunk wasn't open. The apartment had a very isolated feeling.

"Dean?" Cas called out, eyes squinted as he walked through the apartment; with still no sign of Dean. The lump in his throat grew again, "Hello? Dean?" He called out again, this time walking into the apartment hallway. He ran back into the apartment to grab his phone off the counter when he heard someone massively banging their way up the stairs.

Cas was at the counter when Dean came into the doorway.

"Where the hell were you?" Cas said taking a long look at him, suddenly seeing the thick sheet of sweat draped across his face and chest, leaving a darkened mark on his grey t-shirt. He was leaning on the door frame, out of breath and panting furiously, eyes and mouth wilting off his face. Something was wrong.

Dean parted his mouth as if to speak, but only swallowed. His eye twitched as he stared hard at Cas, gasping for air.

"Dean...what-" Cas mumbed, hastily running over to his side. Cas' heartbeat was pounding so hard it almost hurt against his ribs.

Dean parted his lips again,"I-" He put a hand up over his face and dragged it down to his mouth, his face dragging even more down with it, "I'm so sorry-I'm so sorry, Cas."

Cas picked up the sudden guilt that illuminated off Dean's skin, "Dean, what did you do." He murmured softly.

Cas heard Dean swallow again, hard. His mouth trembled, and Cas grew _terrified. _He had never seen Dean like this.

"Dean," Cas said again, raising his voice, 'What did you do!"

A single drop of sweat rolled down Dean's temple and onto his neck, "I didn't mean to, Cas. Please know that I didn't mean to-"

Cas could hear his own heart beat pulse through his ears, "Fucking tell me!"

"I lost him, okay?!" Dean shouted, pushing past Cas and pacing in the apartment, running his fingers through his sweaty hair.

"Lost who?" Cas said, feeling his body heat up. His mind raced, trying to find a possible face to fit the picture, "Is it-is it Sam?"

"No, it's not Sam!" Dean yelled, almost angrily, and Cas grew even more confused.

"Then who, Dean! Dammit, just tell me!" Cas screamed.

Dean turned to him and screamed at the top of his lungs, spitting into the air as he did so, "Destiel, okay! I lost Destiel!"

Cas froze.

And then it hit him.

He hadn't been greeted at the door when he walked in. It was silent. _Too silent. __Too isolated and alone._

"You-you-didn't, Dean. You didn't..."

Dean's face scrunched and the wrinkles deepened, "I left the door open when I was unloading," Dean exclaimed as he trotted toward the window, pulling the curtain back and staring blankly into the street, "I left the door open."

_No..._Cas thought, _not my best friend...please, please, please not Destiel._

Dean hastily ran over to him, reaching his hand out to grab onto Cas' arm, but Cas swatted him away, "Don't fucking touch me, Dean. Don't."

It was a feeling of being in the grip of inevitably. _Finally, _he had someone to remind him he wasn't alone when the only person he loved was gone. _Finally, _he had something his childhood couldn't provide. _Finally, _he had a best friend who wouldn't leave him, couldn't make him uncomfortable or make him feel confined. His stomach ached badly, almost sending Cas dropping to his knees.

He did the only thing his body would let him do.

Cas stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door so hard he heard his neighbor call out.

"Keep it down, would'ya? Tryna' sleep here!"

"Shove it up your ass!" Cas screamed back, striding down the stairs and out the doors and to his car. He ignored Dean's voice calling out to him as backed the car up, and drove right out of the apartment complex.

"Cas! Cas, please! Come back!"

Cas tried so hard to ignore Dean's pleading voice, tried so hard to convince himself that it wasn't true. But as he drove, having no idea where his destination was, it all sunk in. He just didn't want to be_ alone. He_ pulled over to the side of the road and smashed his fist on the dashboard so hard his fist ached painfully after. He took deep breaths as his hand throbbed, and he focused himself to calm down.

He shut his eyes as he pulled out his phone, dialed the only person he knew would be there, and waited patiently for the other line to pick up. The ring's soothed him.

The other line picked up quickly.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Cas breathed slowly, "How 'bout that raincheck?"

* * *

Cas was following Gabe's instructions to the bar he was working at, slowly trying to breathe in and out, but constantly failing, and having an uneven and scratchy breath in his throat. His phone rang four times on the way there. He didn't pick up.

By the time he got there, the sun had already begun to set, and Cas had calmed down enough that he could breathe normally again. The moment he walked into the bar, he was greeted with a hand wrapping around his shoulders.

"Cassie!" Gabe smiled at him, leading him down to the counter as he plopped Cas down in a stool. A few men sitting next to him grunted a laugh as he sat down, "What'll it be, bud? Anything you want. It's on me." Gabe said as he strutted behind the counter and slumping his body over the edge to lean near Cas.

"What's the strongest stuff you got?"

"Feeling rebellious now, are we? I like it!" Gabe howled, turning around for a few moments, whipping his hands around behind the counter and whipping up Cas some sort of concoction. An unearthly feeling roared in Cas' stomach.

The men looked at Cas again and grunted. Cas grimaced at them and their gigantic glasses of beers. Cas managed to breath out a "Hi", but the men grunted and laughed again. Cas turned his head and tried his best to ignore them. Gabe returned shortly with a glass of-_something._

"Why are they laughing at me?" Cas snorted as he grabbed the glass Gabe put in front of him, "And what is this?"

Gabe chuckled in the back of his throat, "It's Long Island Iced Tea. Made it strong for ya." Gabe said before leaning across the counter again, "And you know, you don't exactly look like the '_strong type of alcohol'_ kinda guy, Cassie. You walked in here and it looked like it was the first time you've ever stepped foot in a bar, bud."

Cas scoffed in the back of his throat and blushed, "Well..."

"Oh god," Gabe exclaimed throwing his hands up, "It is the first time! My god, Cassie! Do you live under a rock!?"

Cas felt his phone vibrating in his pocket again. He ignored it. "I just never got to it!" Cas yelled, and in all truth, he was serious. Most guys went to bars to pick up chicks, which clearly, wasn't his cup of tea. And he was busy studying by the time he was twenty-one anyways. Now, as a twenty-three year old, he hadn't even really thought about it. He'd been drunk _once _in his life, and he had a very low tolerance to alcohol, which was mainly why he didn't drink.

"Well, Cassie," Gabe muttered as he set up two shot glasses next to his Long Island Iced Tea, pouring vodka into each of them and handing Cas one, which he reluctantly took, "Here's to getting fucked up!"

Gabe downed it almost as fast as he had poured it, and Cas sat there looking at Gabe like he had just grown a third head.

The man directly next to Cas perked up, "C'mon, brotha. Ain't gon' drink itself." He muttered, taking a gulp of his own beer.

"Now, Benny," Gabe said softly, "It's his first time at a bar. Baby steps."

A head popped out from behind Benny, "We gotta baby in the bar? Ha!"

Benny leaned over so the man could get a better view of Cas, who seemed to be the only caterpillar in a world of butterflies.

A third head popped out from behind the second, "Ain't no baby comin' into this bar and leavin' without gettin' drunk off his ass!"

"Okay, okay," Gabe said, motioning his hands for everyone to settle down, "Benny, Vic, Rufus, this is Cassie. He's spent his life behind closed doors, let him take his time to find the way out,"

"Hey!Quit it! I am most certainly not a baby!" Cas yelled at him, his face even more flushed and red than before. He turned to look at the three men, who all already had their eyes on Cas, eyebrows raised, waiting for him to take his shot.

_Fuck it._

He swallowed hard before downing the liquor, grimacing as the bitter, strong liquid streamed down his throat. He made a chocking-type of noise and the other men laughed.

"Baby he is indeed," Vic chimed in, standing up out of his chair and walking over to the pool table not a few feet from the bar, "You play, kid?"

"Not really." Cas said, still tasting the disgusting flavor in his mouth.

"Brotha, are you sure this boy's twenty-one?" Benny said hoping out of his chair and joining Vic at the pool table.

Gabe laughed, and Cas' face scrunched when he saw Gabe refilling the shot glasses. "Ten year old trapped in a twenty-three year old's body." Gabe laughed again, placing the shots in front of Cas again.

"No, Gabe." Cas grimaced.

"C'mon, Cassie. Just _one _more shot. It's on the house, c'mon."

Cas heard the other men howl and coo him on, and Cas couldn't help but down it. He was mad. He was mad at Dean, and he needed a break. He needed a long, drunken break. He grimaced again as he felt it slide down his throat, although it was a little easier than the last time. Cas also took a sip of the Long Island Iced Tea that Gabe had put in front of him, gulping it before he joined the rest of them for a quick game of pool.

* * *

Cas was on his fourth game of pool nine shots later.

Benny, Vic, and Rufus had all downed three 12oz glasses of beer.

And by now, the pool sticks had been going everywhere except the pool table. Cas used his like a cowboy riding a horse, while Benny used his to poke people in the gut, Vic used his as a fake gun and snuck up behind people at tables and made a gun noise at them as he waved the stick around like an idiot, and Rufus wasn't even using his because he was passed out and slouched over the countertop.

"Yeeeeehawwwww!" Cas bellowed as he rode his pool-stick-horse to the counter top. He lazily dropped the stick and swung his legs over the stool and leaned over the counter toward Gabe. Cas was having a good time, even though he had no fucking clue where he was. He burped, and a little bit of bitter alcohol came back up into his throat. His eyelids drooped slightly and he pointed a finger in Gabe's face, "You're th' bomb, G-Gabe. D'ya know that?"

Gabe patted Cas on the cheek, "Well I see the baby has finally grown a bit. Want me to take you home, Cassie?"

Cas shook his head, "Nah-nah, I am home." Cas laughed before standing up, "This is my sanctuary!" He howled across the room, voice slurring. People sitting in booths turned to face him and gave Cas concerned glares.

A guy in a booth maybe a little older than Cas stood up from his table, "Don't you think you've had enough to drink, kid?"

Cas picked up his pool stick of the ground and pointed it at him, "Don't you think you should shut th' fuckup?"

Benny held his pool stick in the air, "You tell 'em, brotha!"

Cas plopped down in his seat again, his mind was spinning and he couldn't help but let the heavy weight of head fall to the countertop. He relaxed for a few moments, taking deep breaths, letting his body calm itself. He heard a glass hit the counter in front of him and he looked up to see that Gabe set a small, clear drink in front of him.

"Gabe, I-I can't drink no more," Cas slurred, his throat feeling ill.

"I know, Cassie." Gabe leaned into him even more, "That's why it's water." He whispered.

Cas took the glass in his hand but didn't drink it. The thought of drinking anything, even if it was just water made Cas want to be sick.

"Drink," Gabe spoke up again, eyes locked hard on Cas, "Trust me, it'll help. Water really helps."

"Okay," Cas garbled, picking up the small glass with his shaky hands and gulping it down fast, getting it over with.

It tasted..._weird._

"You alright, bud?" Gabe leaned into him again, his eyes alarmingly mischievous.

"Water tastes-k-kinda silly." Cas slumped his head over the counter again, pulling his phone out of his pocket. His eyes could barely adjust to the words on the front of the screen, but he could adjust them just enough to make out the print.

10 missed calls & 17 new text messages from Dean.

He flipped open and read down some of the messages.

_**Cas, please come back to me. I'm so sorry. I really am.**_

_**I looked everywhere, and I'll keep looking, just please call me.**_

_**I will buy you a new dog I promise you Cas. Please...**_

_**I will do anything you want..just please talk to me.**_

_**Castiel don't you do this to me**_

_**I'm begging you...**_

_Shit._

Cas popped his head up, "I-I-I-need to go-" Cas stumbled out of his chair, feeling even more dizzy than before. He saw Gabe's expression morph into something but his vision was too blurry to see what it was. Gabe rushed out quickly from behind the counter.

"Cassie, I'm taking you home, c'mon. It's late." Gabe muttered, yanking his car keys from his pocket and draping his arm over Cas.

The feeling of being drunk seemed to have washed over Cas, and now, he completely felt like he couldn't even control his own body, and he had no idea why. His stomach lurched into his throat, and as soon as him and Gabe stepped out of the bar, Cas leaned over into a bush and hurled, feeling the temples in his head pound against his skull. His throat was burning, his head was pounding, and he couldn't see five feet in front of him.

He wasn't drunk. Something was wrong.

Gabe pulled him up to his own car, hastily checking in the dark shadows around them. Cas saw him move about around him as he sunk onto his knees in the gravel. He couldn't tell what was happening, it was all too blurry, his head was spinning abnormally fast and with every move, every breath, Cas became weaker.

"G-gabe...what'd you-what'd you put in-in my d-drink?" Cas attempted to suck in air, wheezing and coughing when he suddenly felt strong hands lift him up and shove him into the car.

Gabe buckled his seat belt and rubbed the side of his head, "Shh, Cas, it's okay baby, shh."

"Ta-Take me home! H-home!" Cas slurred as he yelled hoarsely, trying to move his arms but he felt like nothing was there. His whole body was paralyzed. He blinked slowly, and his eyelids became almost impossible to hold up. Cas felt himself grow weaker and weaker by the second. He choked on his own breath, "Ho-home... I-I-want to g-go home. I-wan-t-t Dean..."

Gabe started the car, "I'm sorry, I can't do that, Cas. You're mine now, and I'm not going to lose you again."

That was the last thing Cas heard before he blacked out.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean's knuckle throbbed aggressively as his eyes darted to the newly gaping hole in the wall. He squeezed his fist together which only made the pain worsen, but that didn't stop Dean from tightening his fist harder. He thought of plummeting his fist down another wall, but remembered that Cas would be upset to find out that Dean destroyed the apartment _when _he came home.

_If he comes home._

Dean leaned against the wall, _No, he's coming home. He's coming home. _

Dean's back was still sweaty from running around outside, searching hopelessly to find what he had lost. He couldn't find Cas...or the dog. He decided to call Cas' cell again.

"Last time," Dean muttered as he dialed, still having a spark of hope in his stomach. The other line paused for a minute, and went straight to voicemail. Dean listened to Cas' pre-recorded voice and began to feel his fact heat up.

_"Hello, you've reached the voicemail of-Dean knock it off! Stop tickling me I'm trying to-to-stop! God, thank you. Okay, you've reached the voicemail of Castiel Novak, I can't get to the phone right now but if you leave me a message I will get back to you as soon as possible! Thank y-Dean jesus christ, enough!"_

Dean swallowed hard to prevent himself from becoming sick. It took a few moments before he could choke a whine, "Cas..it's uh-it's me...again." Dean cleared his throat and felt like his lung had gotten logged in it, making it hard to breathe, "Look, I-I know I messed up, okay? I shouldn't've left the door open, that was such an idiot thing to do and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, alright? Just please, please baby, come home, okay? Come home. Please, come home." Dean took a long heavy breath, expecting that all of a sudden Cas' voice would just speak up on the other line telling Dean that he was coming home. Dean shut his eyes for a few seconds before closing the phone and tossing it on the bed.

Dean knew Cas wasn't the one to get mad and to stay mad, and being gone for almost twelve hours now had started to tear Dean apart from the inside. It was 2 o'clock in the morning and Dean's eyelids were heavy and exhausted, but refused to close. His mind started racing, throwing out possible scenario's that had Dean's stomach twisting around to the outer corners of his chest.

And before he knew it, his fingers were dialing the phone again. Dean hardly even knew what he was doing until the voice picked up on the other line.

"Uh-hello?"

Dean swallowed again, and his lung had begun to travel even farther up in his throat, "Is-is-he with you?"

There was a long pause before the other voice spoke up again, "Is who with me?"

"Balthazar, c'mon, if he's with you, just fucking tell me, I'm not up for games right now." Dean said gritting through his teeth.

"Dean," Balthazar exclaimed as he cleared his throat, "Cas hasn't uttered a word to me since we graduated. Neither have you, for that matter. What makes you think he'd be with me? Everything alright?"

Dean's body sunk into the bed, "No-I-we-we just got into a fight, and he hasn't been home in a while. I didn't know who else he'd run to..." Dean's eyes trailed over to the empty side on the bed. He heard Balthazar sigh on the other line.

"Oh. Well, no, Dean. Sorry, he's not with me. Did you try-" Balthazar paused and Dean's heartbeat picked up, "Did you try Gabe?"

A feeling morphed in Dean's stomach that was difficult to comprehend. He had told Cas to _never _bring up Gabe. _Ever. _And if he did he would just ignore him. Dean knew Cas was better than that, than to run off with Gabe just to piss Dean off. "No, he's not with him.

"Did you call?"

"No."

"Then how do you k-"

"Because I just do, Balthazar!" Dean screamed, standing up and clenching his knuckles, the urge to punch another hole in the wall spread across his body. A scarlet red took over his face, sent from the very depths of hell itself. His teeth clenched down together, and he squeezed his fist, attempting to hold back his undying urge.

"Okay," Balthazar whimpered, his voice slowly trailing off, "If he hasn't shown, call me. I'll come down."

Dean felt his temples pulse when Balthazar hung up, leaving him _alone _in the apartment to think for himself. Dean tried to calm down, to take deep breaths, telling himself that everything was okay and that Cas would be home in the morning. But, a feeling buried deep, deep down in the pit of Dean's stomach said otherwise. It told him that everything was not okay. The room filled with a grey aura that seemed to cloud Dean's face, and it made the air catch in his lungs. He felt a scream that swelled in the back of his throat, demanding to be let out, demanding to release the rage that came with it, but it stuck in the back of his throat, held in place by the lump that seemed to be duct-taped in place.

Dean shook his head, forcing his legs to move, "I need a drink," he groaned as he grabbed his jacket and whipped out the door.

* * *

Dean blasted _Led Zeppelin _as he drove the Impala to the first bar that he came to. The radio screamed, but all Dean heard was the pulsing in his ears. He pulled up to the bar, slamming the car door and walking in like he was ready to kill someone.

_He's cheating. God, he's fucking cheating. _

Dean bit his lip until he tasted blood. He tapped his finger roughly on the counter, eyebrows clenched. His pulse was still booming in his ear, and all he could think about was that _Cas was cheating. _His chest felt like it was crushing his heart so hard it would explode at any moment.

Dean cupped his face in his hands, It's_ alright. It's going to be alright. I am alright. _

"What'll it be, kid?"

Dean's head shot up. "Huh?"

The bartender gave him an annoyed glare, "What do you want?"

The pressure around Dean's heart let go a little, enough for Dean to focus, "Uh-what's the strongest you got?"

"We got _Devil Springs Vodka_."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Dean groaned. He wanted to get drunk. He wanted to forget the feeling of his chest swelling around his heart. He wanted to forget _Cas cheating on him. _The bartender came back a few seconds later and plopped a small glass of vodka in front of him. Dean nodded at him, taking no hesitation to grab it and chug it just as fast as the bartender had poured it.

Dean cringed , "Keep 'em comin'," he said, waving his hand for another round. The bartender nodded with a disgruntled expression. The grey aura had followed Dean to the bar, and only seemed to cloud his face even more. Dean reached in his pocket for his phone, suddenly feeling the swelling in his chest increase when he saw that he had no new messages. His head throbbed more as he typed.

**_God dammit, Cas, respond to me! I'm sorry I fucked up!_**

He quickly grabbed the new glass that was set down in front of him, sipping it slowly this time. He stared at the text for a minute before deleting it and typing something else.

_**I need you, Castiel. **_

He sent it and sprawled his arms across the counter, and knocked a small glass off the edge of the table. The clatter of the glass made Dean jump in his seat.

"Shit," Dean groaned, leaning over to pick up the pieces, "I'm sorry." he mumbled to the bartender who was already on his way over with a broom and dustpan.

"No worries, kid." The bartender said as he began helping Dean pick up the pieces, "Last shift guy left in such a rush, forgot to clean up after some really drunk kid."

Dean nodded as the bartender rushed away with the broken glass, and Dean slumped back in his seat, taking another big gulp of his drink. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. The grey aura was with him even as he closed his eyes. Dean sprung out of his chair when someone slammed a hand on the counter next to him.

"Ha!" A guy said, and Dean got the _strongest_ smell of alcohol on him as he collapsed into the chair next to him, "What a great night. Oh, what a great night,"

Dean nodded at him, annoyed, "Congrats, dude." He said raising his drink to him and taking a sip. He suddenly spit out his vodka all over the counter when he got poked in the stomach. He turned toward the drunk and saw him sitting in his seat and poking him with a pool stick.

"What the hell, man? Knock it off!" Dean said as he stood up from his seat, raising his chest to him. He wanted to punch him so badly. To release all the pent up worry, and allow him to at least calm himself for a little, even if it was just for a few seconds.

"Sorry, brotha." The guy said dropping the pool table, instead reaching for a glass with leftover alcohol in it from the table.

Another guy came and took the glass from him, "That's enough, Benny."

"Dammit, Vic! I can do it!" Benny screamed, shoving Vic off him and reaching for the glass in Vic's hand.

"No!" Vic screamed, passing the glass over the counter and to the bartender, "You already had enough with that kid. I'm surprised you haven't sobered up in the slightest yet."

Dean chuckled as he raised the glass to his lips again, swishing the alcohol in his mouth before swallowing. He watched Benny try to hold his head up, but instead his head kept flopping onto the table.

"Oh, what a great night," Benny sang, letting his head freely fall onto the table, "That kid is real great." He hummed.

Vic laughed, "Cas?"

Dean froze. He dropped his glass, letting it pour onto the countertop and roll onto the floor, and then immediately rushed out of his chair and grabbed Benny by the collar of his shirt, shoving him up against the counter.

"Where did he go!?" Dean shouted, eyes penetrating Benny like razors.

Vic grabbed Dean by the shoulders, "Woah, woah, woah, kid! What's your deal?"

Dean stuck his hand out and pushed Vic away, turning his attention to Benny again, "Where is he! Where did Cas go?!"

Benny burped in his face, and Dean grimaced as he shoved Benny farther up into the counter, involuntarily growling in the back of his throat. Benny opened his mouth to say something, but only belched again and his head rolled onto the table, eyes closing slowly. Benny muttered, and Dean let him go, now turning his attention to Vic.

Dean clenched his fists, "Where is he!"

"You know Cas?" Vic said, backing up until the back of his legs hit the pool table.

"Know him?" Dean laughed sarcastically, "He's my goddamn _boyfriend_!"

Vic raised his eyebrows and parted his lips, "Uh-he-"

Someone grabbed Dean tightly by the shoulders, "Cas is gay? Oh, I knew it!"

Now, Dean was raging, red-hot and spurring throughout his body, "And who the fuck are you?" He roared at Benny, tightening his fists even more than before. The only reason Dean wasn't punching him was because he could be the ticket to finding Cas.

"I'm Benny, brotha. 'Nd you are?"

"I'm Cas' boyfriend, Dean." He said pointing a shaky finger to Benny's face, "You hear that '_brotha_'?Huh? _Boyfriend_!"_  
_

Benny held his hands up in front of his chest and backed up a few steps, "Hey now, I ain't interested in him. I ain't like that, man. I thought he was into the _bartender_."

Dean snapped his head to the guy behind the counter.

"Not me!" The bartender said, raising his hands up like he was just caught by the cops, "My shift started an hour ago! I swear!"

Vic chimed in, grabbing Dean's shoulder, "No, not him."

Dean could feel his heart pounding through his chest, demanding to break free, "Who!?"

Vic cleared his throat, "You wouldn't know him. His name is _Gabe._"_  
_

Dean's knees gave way, breaking beneath him and collapsing onto the floor. The red that had formed in his face was swept away by a pale white. Thoughts flew discordantly through his mind, and Dean failed to comprehend what Vic had just told him.

_Gabe._

_It was Gabe._

Dean's mouth gaped, searching for words to say, anything, anything at all. But nothing came out.

Vic kneeled to grab him, helping him up, Dean's legs shaking so much he could hardly stand.

Everything Dean tried to focus on became blurry, "Where...where are they." he muttered under his breath.

Vic's hands were like blades across Dean's shoulders, "Gabe left with him 'bout an hour ago. Said he was takin' 'em home. You alright, kid?"

Dean smashed his teeth together, "No, I'm not alright," he roared as he bolted out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

"Dean, relax."

"Are you crazy? I can't relax! My goddamn boyfriend is slobbering all over some no good-"

"Dean, at least keep your voice down. You're making a scene."

Dean looked over to the other tables in the diner and realized that every single eye in the joint was on _him. _Even though there were only fifteen people in the place, it seemed like the whole world was looking at him. "I'm sorry, Sam. It's hard to relax right now." Dean said, converting his booming roar to a low one. If Sam wasn't there, he would've just screamed and screamed and screamed until everyone had left the diner, leaving him in the empty space by himself to think so he wouldn't have to do it in the apartment. But, Sam was there, and Dean tried his best to retain his urge, which was only making him angrier.

Sam gave him a once over, trying to stay as relaxed as possible for Dean's sake, "Dean, are you sure you don't want to eat? You probably sho-"

Dean cut him off, "Not hungry."

Sam scoffed, "Since when are _you _not hungry?" he said, stabbing pieces of lettuce with his fork, attempting to put the slightest but of humor into the atmosphere.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, "Since my damn boyfriend is having sex with someone other than me!" He growled, his voice growing with every word until all eyes were on him again.

Sam bit his lip, realizing that no amount of humor could put a smile on Dean's face. He cleared his throat and began picking through his salad, shoving some into his mouth. He could feel Dean's leg shaking aggressively underneath the table, and it made Sam wonder if Dean was going to sprawl out of his chair and begin throwing a fit.

The rage that Dean had collected at the bar had followed him to the diner, and it only seemed to grow by the minute. He wanted to get up and run, run and find Cas and kick the absolute shit out of Gabe for even talking to him, but god, he had _no idea _where to start. And that's what made Dean's skin boil so hot he thought it would peel right off.

And then Dean remembered what Cas had said to him when he came home from his business trip, about how Cas was worried sick because he thought Dean was cheating on him. And now, Dean knew _exactly _how Cas felt.

"God, I am such an idiot." Dean groaned, clapping his face in his hands. Dean was tired, and all he wanted to do was go home, lay in bed with Cas, and tuck his arms around his middle and fall asleep against his warmth. His stomach swerved at even the mere thought of not being able to do that.

Sam raised his eyebrows until there was an indent in the middle of his forehead, "Dean, you guys got into one fight," He said, leaning over the counter and patting the side of Dean's arms so he would raise his face from his hands, "Just give him some time. I doubt he's cheating on you. By the noises you were making that other night in the hotel room, I'm sure you guys..._satisfy _each other enough."

Dean thought he felt his heart skip a beat, "You..._heard me_?"

"Did you think the walls were titanium?"

Dean returned his face to his inner palms again, hiding the rosy, scarlet blush that had spread across his face. Dean refused to look at his brother, "As if this day couldn't get any worse."

Sam took a massive bite of his salad, grinning to himself, "Dean, just give it time. I know Cas loves you. Just let him figure things out and see where it goes, okay? Don't over think things!"

Dean bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from going full throttle on his brother. He forced himself to look anywhere but at Sam's calm demeanor, and his eyes trailed across the room to a couple sitting together in a booth on the other side of the diner. They were laughing and sharing a milkshake, the boy unable to keep his eyes off the girl as she twirled her hair and flashed her teeth, and from the other side of the diner, Dean stared at them, eyes twitching and heart pounding faster than it had all night, and he had no idea why. Dean could feel the pulse of his heart beating hard against his ribs.

_Why are you angry at him?_

_It's your fault he's gone._

_It's your fault for leaving that door open._

_It's your fault, you fucking idiot._

It was then that Dean realized he wasn't disappointed in _Cas_, he was disappointed in _himself. _"Dammit Sam, I feel like I just got the last slice of apple pie and I dropped it on the way back to the table."

Dean felt his temples begin to throb again. He was so utterly, completely, absolutely and up mostly downright disappointed in himself. He had _failed _Cas... _again._ And that was more painful than any wound that cut across his body.

Sam pushed his salad plate away from him to signal he was done, and gave Dean a stern glare, "I don't know what else to tell you, Dean. All you can do is wait right now, you can't pressure him, you have to let him decide what he wants. If you really love him, you'll give him time." Sam said, leaning into the table and reaching his arms around Dean's wrist, "And you'll always have me here for you, alright?"

He nodded and smiled at his brother's attempts to try and keep his cool, "Thanks, Sammy. I feel a lot better."

Dean grimaced at himself for a moment, because he really hated lying to his brother.

* * *

The apartment looked a lot messier when Dean walked in, though he hadn't done anything to it before he left. Even though it was more messy than Dean had ever seen it, it still felt empty. The empty feeling in the room managed to latch itself onto Dean's skin, crawling inside his body and burying itself in the pit of his stomach. Dean's eyes swept the apartment, although nothing was flowing throughout his mind.

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

Dean clicked back to Earth, "Uh, yeah, Sammy. I'll be fine." He groaned, walking over to the fridge and grabbing a beer. It dawned on him that he could've just stayed home and drank here, but the mere thought of being in the apartment, _alone, _made his stomach flop. His choice to go to the bar rewarded him with a small clue of what Cas was doing at least, but he was still left completely unknowing of Cas' intentions. And then Dean's head pounded because he couldn't decide whether going to the bar was a good or a bad thing. Yes, now he knew a little more than he had known before, but he couldn't answer the question of whether he would've wanted to know anyway.

Dean heard Sam come up behind him, "I can stay the night if you want, Dean. It's really no b-"

Dean jumped when he heard Sam's phone blare a ring, scaring him more than it probably should have. Sam let out a huge sigh before flipping his phone open to answer while he quickly hustled into the hallway outside the apartment.

And with that, Dean felt that there was no point in finding his way to the couch when there was a perfectly good floor right below him, and he plunged to his knees and keeled over against the cabinet, gasping for air when he realized he had fucked up, _again. _He had made a stupid, reckless mistake and he was paying the price for it. And it hurt him so much that he didn't even realize he was crying until Sam came in, hurrying to his side as he choked and gasped for air, cleaning up the broken beer bottle on the ground around him which Dean didn't even remember breaking.

And he coughed and choked and pushed his little brother away as he scrambled to his feet to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before hurling up whatever was in his stomach, which was barely anything at all. His throat burned tremendously as he choked, and he could barely even suck in air to help him breathe. He barely knew there was a hand rubbing his back until he heard Sam speak.

"Shh..it's okay, it's okay. Let it out, just let it out, " Sam said soothly, "I'm here, Dean. I'm here."

Dean was heaving until he knew there was absolutely nothing left in his stomach, but he still felt like he needed to be sick. His throat blazed so hot he was sure it would burst into flames at any moment, and his eyes were blocked by a thick sheet of water.

"I-I can't do it, Sammy," Dean choked, "I can't."

Dean himself didn't know what he meant. He just knew that _he couldn't. _Whatever that may mean, he just _couldn't__. _And it hurt him even more knowing he made a promise to Castiel that _he _would never leave _him. _And, God, Dean was sure as hell not ready for the opposite. Even though Cas left _him, _Dean couldn't stop feeling like it was his fault.

"Yes you can Dea-"

"It was just a fucking dog!" Dean shouted, cutting Sam off and throwing Sam's arms off him, "A fucking dog!"

Sam didn't say anything as Dean stood up off the ground, legs still shaking but strong with force. He pushed past Sam and out of the bathroom, knocking his brother hard into the wall.

Sam groaned as his shoulder smashed onto the tile, "Dean, wait!" He shouted after him, running to follow him into the living room.

Dean was pacing, trying to find something to _throw _and or _destroy, _but everything was hitting him so fast his mind couldn't process what he wanted to do, and before he knew it, things were flying across the room, banging and smashing into the walls, breaking and cracking and shattering across the floor in seconds. He growled and spat and cursed to himself as his arms whipped around, grabbing the first thing he could find hold of and throwing it as hard as he possibly could.

"Dean, stop!" Sam hissed at him, grabbing his shoulders and trying to restrain him, but even he was thrown across the room by Dean's force, knocking his face against a stool.

"Get out, Sam! Get out!" Dean screamed, his throat flaming and burning and his muscles tightening so hard he thought he might pop all the blood vessels in his body at once.

Sam stood to his feet, "Dean, please, it's me, please." He murmured quietly, blood trickling from his bottom lip and onto his chin.

Dean didn't even take a second look. "Sam you get the fuck out of my house. Get the fuck out! Leave!" He screamed, shoving Sam's shoulders until he was out the door where he then slammed the door shut in his brothers face.

"Dean!"

"I don't care, Sam! Get the fuck out you annoying shit!" He screamed again at the door, cussing to himself in his apartment, trying to breathe but only failing, causing himself to throw more things across the room.

"It was just a fucking dog! A stupid, damn, fucking _dog!_" Dean screamed, legs feeling like they could easily fall apart beneath him.

And he screamed and cried.

And screamed and cried.

And screamed and cried until his body broke down on the middle of the floor, amongst the broken, shattered pieces of things that he had thrown, and screamed and cried some more.

He cried and cried for Cas, but he knew Cas wasn't coming, which made him cry even more.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

Cas opened his eyes.

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

He blinked.

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

**_Thud._**

He breathed.

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

_**Th-**_

"Oh, finally you're awake."

**_-ud._**

Cas heard something clank on the ground and sudden footsteps rushing toward him. Despite his eyes being wide open, he couldn't see.

"Here, drink some water."

And then he felt hard glass press against his lips and the rush of something cold stream down his throat and dribble down his chin and onto his neck.

"No, Cassie, you have to swallow it. Close your mouth or you'll start catchin' flies."

Cas groaned, trying to close his mouth but his jaw was so stiff it ached when it moved, and he continued to let the water pour out of his mouth. A finger rested on his chin and tipped his head back, and he felt glass press to his lips again before the cold fluid surged through his throat.

"Atta boy!"

Cas could feel it cascading down into his stomach, spreading across his body and jolting it to life. Even though his jaw tingled and ached, he managed to move it a little to speak, "Wh-where am I?"

Cas could still barely see, and he tried to use his other senses to construct a mental picture. He moved his arms.

They wouldn't move.

He then focused on his torso, sliding it and slithering it around, attempting to force his body up.

It wouldn't move.

Then to the legs, which seemed tightly pressed together as he tried to push them up.

They wouldn't move either.

"Sorry about that, Cas. Can't have ya running away."

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud.**_

_**Thud. **_

The noise blasted in Cas' ear and his body filled with an overwhelming fatigue, "That noise...what-"

"Sorry about that too, I guess. Nailing boards to windows isn't as quiet as I expected it to be."

Cas' heart pounded against his chest when he remembered what had happened.

_There was running...lot's of running._

_Crying...lot's and lot's of crying._

_Fighting, punching, kicking...that too._

_Screaming...so much screaming.._

The blur in his eyes started to fade, and his heart and stomach sunk deeper and deeper as his eyes swept around the room.

It was dark. Very dark. With only small rays of light spurting through _windows._

_No, those are not windows if they're boarded up._

The room was big. Very big. There was a scaffold to his right leading up to a..._door._

_Padlock. _

_Three, actually. _

And right in front of him was a wall...with a hammer, and a wrench, and a rather large screwdriver, and a pair of plyers, and a saw...and so many other things hanging on the wall that had Cas' stomach crawling into his throat.

And to his left came a somewhat small counter with a small refrigerator right below it, and a figure hovering over it, moving his arms around in front of him.

_Gabe._

"You hungry?"

Cas' heart was thumping so fast, pummeling his ribs so hard he thought he might die at any moment from a heart attack. And his stomach diminished at even the word _hungry. _

Cas tugged his hands, but they refused to move. Cas looked up at them, eyeing the rope tied around each wrist, pulling in separate directions, tied to each end of a bed on the headboard, his back propped by two or three pillows, and his feet bound together at the bottom. The pulse in his chest surrounded him, echoing in his ears, and his breath was now coming out in thick, shallow rasps.

"Gabe," Cas groaned, his voice barely recognizable, sweat dripping down his temples, "Where am I? What have you done?"

"I made sandwiches," Gabe said, turning around and facing Cas with a plate in each hand, "C'mon it's PB&J! Your favorite!"

Cas balled his fists, his arms burning against the rope, "Tell me where I am! Now!" He screamed, his eyes inadvertently tearing up.

Gabe sighed as he watched Cas squirm and scream, fighting against the ropes with no success. He sat on the end of the bed and put a cold hand on Cas' knee.

"You're home, Cas." He said, running his hand up just a little too high for Cas' comfort, "You're home."

* * *

"Sorry, I'm not going to make it into work the next couple days. I got some weird stomach thing, and I don't know how long it's gonna last."

"Shall I give you a week? Is that enough? Do you think maybe you can work from home?"

"A week's fine. And yeah, I could work from home for a few days."

"Alright, Dean. Sounds good. Let me know how you are feeling."

"Thanks, Mr. Roman. I really appreciate it."

"Hey, don't worry. No skin off my nose. You just worry 'bout getting better."

"Thanks again."

Dean hung up the phone, letting his arm stretch out over the side of the bed. He took deep breaths as his eyes maneuvered around the room, squinting when he came across the rays of light that were peeking in through the window shades. Sleeping alone last night was one of the hardest things Dean has ever done. And he didn't know why, considering he did it all the time while he was away on business. But now, he was really, _sleeping alone. _

It was past noon, way past noon, and Dean figured that if he just tried to go about his usual schedule, that maybe, _just maybe, _he would simmer down enough and let time take it's coarse.

So, he jumped out of bed, stripped down and hopped into the shower, humming _Metallica _to himself because it calmed him down, and he just let his mind wander. Let his body totally and completely relax in the stream of hot water. And he payed attention to every little detail, like the way the shampoo felt against his fingers when they entwined in his hair, or the way the water pressure fizzed against the back of his neck, or even how smooth the soap felt against his body.

And eventually, his mind drifted away from the worry.

Still humming, he stepped out of the shower, shook a towel over his wet hair, paying attention to the fuzz around his forehead as he did so and the way his hair stuck up in all different places afterwards. He wrapped it around his waist and walked into his room, throwing on a red and black plaid unbuttoned shirt over a dark blue tee and jeans, observing how uncomfortable it was how the clothes suctioned to his damp skin.

And he walked into the _now clean_ living room, _partially_ forgetting that it took him three hours and two packages of bandaids to clean up the shattered glass and debris all over the place. He hummed louder.

The way the T.V. crackled when Dean turned it on was something he never noticed before, or how it stalled way to long as he flipped through each channel. Well, he hardly noticed because whenever he watched T.V., he wasn't alo-

He hummed even louder, singing the words out loud now.

_"This is the test of flesh and soul_  
_This is the trap that smells so good_  
_This is the flood that drains these eyes_  
_These are the looks that chill to the bone."_  
_  
_

Dean bobbed his head a little as he sang, walking over to the small kitchen and opening the fridge, happy to feel that small little gust of cool air brush over his face when he leaned down. He moved around stuff, still singing out loud as his stomach growled.

_"These are the fears that swing over head_  
_These are the weights that hold you down_  
_This is the end that will never end_  
_This is the voice of silence no more."_

He figured that it must be 5 o'clock somewhere, so he pulled a bottle of beer out along with a carton of eggs. He let the cold air spread across his face some more before he shut the fridge.

_"This is the cloud that swallows trust_  
_This is the black that uncolors us_  
_This is the face that you hide from_  
_This is the mask that comes-"_

And then he paused. Stopped singing, stopped humming, stopped breathing, as he stared directly at the green sticky note that was now slightly askew on the refrigerator door.

_**I promise you, my Castiel, that I would die for you, because I couldn't imagine life without you in it.**_

_**-Dean**_

And he tried to sing, god, he tried so damn hard. But instead all he did was breathe out air in short and shallow puffs, his teeth clenching down and grinding together as his bottom lip quivered. And then the last line of the song just slipped out of his mouth.

_"Some kind of monster  
This monster lives..."_

And his whole body went numb, a tingling that circled his head and spread across his arms and all the way to his fingertips, making him drop both the beer bottle and the carton. He remembered every little detail from the first time he wrote it. Cas' hand entwining with his own, warm and tight, the way Cas' eyes sparkled so brightly, not even needing the sun to give it shine. The way Cas smiled so big, his nose crinkling and the crows feet that formed at the edge of his eyes. The way he laughed when he pressed up against Dean for a warm hug, and Dean kissing his hair and the way his hand felt around the back of Cas' neck.

Dean didn't even realize he was crying until his neck was wet from the tears that dragged down his face. He grabbed the sticky note, crumpled it up and shoved it into his pocket, not wanting to throw it away, but not wanting to look at it.

He balled up his fists, and it took him every ounce of force in his body not to destroy the house again.

He didn't hum when he knelt down to clean up the glass and egg shells that were now all over the floor, because he knew that it wouldn't calm him down.

And afterwards, he just went right back to his room and crawled under the covers.

The urge to cry himself to sleep was almost impossible to resist, but he didn't.

* * *

The rays of sun were no longer peeking through the shades when Dean opened his eyes again. He turned over and reached his arm out across the bed, hoping that he'd find a body there to wrap his arm around, but his arm just fell to the mattress.

"Just a fucking dog," Dean groaned, feeling himself becoming angry again, "I don't understand. It was just a dog. He _left_ me for _Gabe _because of a stupid, fucking dog."

He put his hand over his forehead which was thickly coated in a sheet of sweat, and he could feel his head throbbing. And all of a sudden, the whole room lit up, in a bright, fluorescent shine that had Dean's head pounding even more.

"What the-"

**_You've got mail._**

Dean leaned over to his bedside table to check his clock. "It's three o'clock in the fucking morning. Who the hell is up at three a.m?"

The bright light still surrounded his room, and Dean cursed to himself as his exhausted body hauled out of bed. He sat down in the small swivel chair that was slightly broken as he pulled up his email on his laptop. He squinted his eyes so much they were almost shut, his head feeling like it was going to explode. It took a while for his eyes to adjust, but when they did, he was sure his stomach had fallen right out of his body.

_**New Email from: castielnovak401**_

A bullet of anxiety whipped him right in the chest and straight through his body. He clicked the email chain open.

**_Attachment_****_: One Video. 121 KB_**

Dean felt like he was going to be sick again, unable to control his thoughts, as if someone was running his mind with the most unthinkable fear possible. The anxiety was sent surging throughout his body, wrapping itself around Dean's throat and clawing at his stomach. He clicked the video.

Cas popped up. Just him, sitting quietly in a chair. Just him. Just Cas. He stared directly into the camera, and Dean could feel his veins tighten, squeezing every nerve in his body.

"Hello, Dean." Cas said deeply.

"Cas..." Dean whispered quietly, forgetting for a moment that Cas couldn't hear him. He watched Cas peer his eyes up over the camera, locking his eyes on _something. _Cas wavered for a moment before clearing his throat and turning his attention back to the camera.

"Dean, it's over. I'm-I'm sorry."

Everything stopped. Everything around him. To Dean, the world had stopped spinning, and he couldn't breathe. Gravity had failed, and it was pressing him down so hard that his lungs stopped working, and everything around him just...stopped.

Cas crossed his arms over his chest before he spoke again, his voice low, "Me and Gabe, we're together now, and I'm very happy." He said, his eyes piercing the camera so hard that Dean felt like they were cutting him apart. Cas dropped his hands.

"He just caught me, and I fell for him. He caught me, like a _deer in headlights._"

Dean swallowed so hard, and his throat felt like it was too small, "Don't you dare tell me that, Castiel. Don't..." Dean whispered, wanting more than anything for Cas to _respond _to him.

Cas then crossed his arms over his chest again and blinked, his eyes glistening, almost as if he was..._crying._ "I'm sorry, Dean. Don't come looking for me," Cas choked, his eyes twitching, "Because I'm not coming back. Goodbye, Dean."

And it ended.

Dean stared at the screen, eyes burning, head throbbing, heart sinking. He had never experienced _anything _more painful than that. And he had no idea why, but he clicked it again. Restarting it over.

Dean watched again as Cas looked over the camera, eyes latching onto..._something..._ before he cleared his throat and began again. He watched Cas' eyes begin to glisten and become polished with a layer of water. Every word, every line, every sound...it just wasn't Cas. Dean watched every word closely.

_"Dean, it's over. I'm-I'm sorry."_

_"Me and Gabe, we're together now, and I'm very happy." _

_"He just caught me, and I fell for him. He caught me, like a deer in headlights."_

_"I'm sorry, Dean. Don't come looking for me, because I'm not coming back. Goodbye, Dean."_

He replayed it again.

And one line caught him.

_"He just caught me, and I fell for him. He caught me, like a deer in headlights."_

More focused than he had ever been in his life, Dean watched Cas' expression, watched his hands move. He rewinded it, just a little. He watched Cas' arms cross against his chest. And then, just before he spoke again, he let them down.

_"He just caught me, and I fell for him. He caught me, like a deer in headlights." _

Cas itched the side of his body. The right side of his body. Right in the middle of his ribcage.

_Right in the middle of his ribcage._

Dean ran his finger under his shirt, against the small scar, on his _right,_ in the _middle of his ribcage. _

And it hit Dean so hard he almost fell out of his chair. He remembered _exactly _what he had told Cas that night, that one night after they had just moved in, and they were lying together. And Dean could almost feel Cas' fingers rub against the scar as Dean whispered:

_"I mean, you are my deer in headlights. When I saw you, I lost control. Lost control of who I was, where I was. You just stood standing there, helpless, at my control. But at the same time, you also had me at the palm of your hand. Even if you were the idiot deer who would suddenly put yourself in the middle of danger, I still would try my best to keep you from being hit."_

Dean stood up in his chair, heart pounding, sheet of sweat dripping at his temples, and legs turning to jelly as he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and dialed. Dean tapped his foot as it rang. The other line finally picked up.

"Uh, Dean, what the hell? It's like four in the mo-"

"Balthazar! Get over here! I need your help, _now._"


	9. Chapter 9

****WARNING: MILD DUB-CON IN THIS CHAPTER****

* * *

"You've got to be joking."

"Does it sound like I'm joking to you?"

Balthazar sighed, "You made me fly all the way here, and you tell me that Gabe _kidnapped _Cas? That's absurd!"

Dean pushed away his glass on the diner's table to make room for his laptop. He raised his eyebrows, "Alright, fine. Watch this then," Dean muttered, turning the computer around and handing Balthazar an earbud. Balthazar took it reluctantly and scoffed in the back of his throat before eyeing the screen.

His expression changed drastically, and soon, Balthazar removed the earbud, swallowing hard before handing it back to Dean.

"See what I mean?"

Balthazar rolled his lips into a thin line, "I mean, I can clearly see your dilemma, but I don't understand how-"

"Alright look," Dean said turning the laptop again so it was angled toward them both. He rewinded the clip to just before Cas mentioned _deer in headlights, _"I know it's hard to explain, but okay watch." Dean said as he played the clip, placing his finger on the screen and following Cas' hand as it moved to itch across the right side of his ribs. He paused the clip.

"What are you trying-"

"You noticed how he said _"a deer in headlights", _right?" Dean asked and Balthazar nodded, still with a confused look plastered against his face, "When we first moved in the apartment, we had this whole long conversation about this scar on the right side of my body, right under my ribcage," Dean said, lifting up his shirt to give Balthazar, and the whole rest of the diner, a view of his chest. He ran his fingers over the scar and Balthazar nodded again.

"And, I don't know, the conversation ended with me pretty much calling him '_my deer in headlights'_...so to speak."

Balthazar looked completely lost, if not more lost than he was before, "Dean, I haven't the slightest clue about what you're talking about. But I am surely positive you just gave those girls over there a reason to order more coffee."

Dean shook his head, "No, no, no. Do you not see it?" Dean sneered, rewinding the video again to the part, "Look, he made a referral to the '_deer in headlights_', and he _itched _the right side of his ribs! If that isn't a fucking hint saying '_oh hey, Dean, yeah I've been kidnapped come save me'_, than I don't know what is!"

Balthazar looked genuinely concerned, "You really have all this thought out, don't you?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?"

Balthazar took a deep breath in as he raised his eyebrows and folded his hands together, "Well, if what you tell me is true, I would say so, yes."

Dean nodded, more than proud of himself. Cas _did _need him. Cas wanted Dean to _save _him. He was more than positive.

Balthazar cleared his throat, "Why can't you just call the police?"

Dean swallowed, "Yeah and they put out a missing person's investigation? Don't you think Gabe would see that on the news or around the city?"

Balthazar made a _tisk _noise with his mouth, "I _guess _you've got a point there. But...then what? What now?"

Dean felt a hollow feeling come up into his chest. Balthazar was right. _What now. _Yes, he'd figured out the _easy _part. But now, now comes the _hard _part. _Reading _the riddle is easy, but _solving_ it, that's the hard part.

"Do you have any idea where to look? Where to start at least?"

Dean chewed his lip, squinting his eyes as he thought. A slow, small grin grew on his face, "Sammy..." He whispered.

Balthazar shot him a disoriented glare, "Your brother? What can he do?"

Dean smiled, standing up from his booth, walking away from Balthazar and motioning for him to leave, "Kid's a genius. He'll figure it out." He whispered to himself.

* * *

"Dean, this is ridiculous!"

"God, Sammy, I've explained it to you like seven times. Don't make me do it again."

Sam paced around the apartment and ran his hand through his shaggy hair, "It's not that I don't _believe _you. It's that this is just, just ridiculous!"

"Trust me, I know." Balthazar exclaimed, popping his head up from the sofa and taking a huge swig of beer.

"Guys," Dean spoke up, turning his attention again to his brother, "C'mon dude, you are the only guy I know who's smart enough to figure this out."

Sam scoffed at him, his dimples deepening in the corners of his face, "If Ruby finds out that I'm _not _on business, like I told her I was, she will kill _you, _not me."

Dean scowled at even the mention of Sam's girlfriends _name. _And then the thought of maybe keeping Sam here long enough for her to figure it out, so she'd dump Sam and leave perked up Dean's fancy. As much as he wanted it, Ruby did make Sam happy, and that was enough for Dean. He shook his head before returning back on topic, "Sammy, this is _Cas. My Cas. _Do this for me, Sammy. Please."

One side of Sam's lips curled upwards, "I never said I _wouldn't_ do it."

* * *

"Cas!"

_Ignore it, ignore it. _

"Cassieeee!"

_God, fucking stop._

Gabe came down from the scaffold and up to the bed Cas was _still _tied to. Gabe frowned when he saw Cas was already glaring at him, eyes red from crying and face pale from fear.

"Cas," Gabe sat on the end of the bed, "You still can't be mad about the video, can you? I mean, alright, yeah, it sucked losing him. But you _needed _to do it. How else was I going to get him away from you?"

Cas growled at him, "You held a gun to me!" He roared, trying to force his arms out of the ties so he could hit him, but they only burned more against his skin as he tried.

"Well, Dean didn't know that," Gabe scooched closer to him, hand carefully placing on Cas hip, rising up to his chest, "C'mon, you know I could never shoot you, baby."

"Don't you dare call me that!" Cas gritted through his teeth, clenching his fists and angling his body away from Gabe. Gabe's hand on his chest felt sharp and keen, even though it was only resting gently.

"Fine," Gabe said, leaning into Cas and giving him a very soft kiss on his neck underneath his ear.

Cas whined, pulling his head away, "Fuck you," Cas spat at him, his stomach feeling nauseous as Gabe curled his hand across Cas' middle.

Gabe moved to his ear and nibbled it before whispering, "Oh, eager are we? No, no, _that_ comes later. How about just a shower now, huh?"

And, _god, _as much as Cas wanted to curse at him again, he couldn't deny the opportunity to feel clean again. He had been tied down for days now, with only the occasional bathroom break. So yes, cursing at him and spitting at him was one hell of an option, but Cas was too tired to fight, and he just wanted to be clean.

He nodded and Gabe smiled as he unhinged Cas' ties, and Cas felt a little excited when he noticed Gabe wasn't getting out his gun this time, holding it up to him and telling him to '_not make any stupid moves' _when he would untie them for his usual bathroom breaks.

Of course, Cas had thought too soon, and not a few moments later Gabe had pulled the gun from his belt, holding it up to him and motioning for him to move. The thought of a gun being held right up to Cas' face had his nerves twisting in all different directions, but he knew Gabe wouldn't shoot him. Or, he _thought _Gabe wouldn't shoot him.

Gabe had hit him once. The first time he had unbinded Cas, naturally Cas tried to flee, but Gabe had one hell of an uppercut that had left his jaw sore for hours, and Cas was _not _willing to go through that again. So, with a gun up to his head, Cas trudged to the small door past the wall of tools and the kitchen counter, feeling slightly violated when he realized that Gabe had still not left even after he had stepped into the bathroom, despite there being no other possible way out except the door.

Cas gave him a livid glare as Gabe lowered his gun and _still _stood in the doorway, even when Cas had begun to take his shirt off to signal he was going to go in the shower.

"Privacy?" Cas growled, crossing his hands over his bare chest.

Gabe shot him and unapologetic look and Cas knew that there was nothing he could say at that point to get him to go away, so he flipped him off and began undoing his belt.

"C'mon, Cassie. That's no way to treat your _boyfriend, _now is it?"

Cas could feel the temperature start to heat up in his veins, "You are _not _my fucking boyfriend, _Dean is._"

Gabe's smile reverted into a thin line as he held the gun back up toward Cas. Cas bit his tongue so hard he could taste the blood spreading across his mouth and down his throat. Cas knew that all he needed to do to get Gabe riled up was to push _one _wrong button, and Cas was sure as hell that he had just pressed it twenty times over.

They were silent for a few moments, Cas still covering his chest and Gabe still bearing the gun up to his face. Cas saw Gabe's attitude go from down right angry to an almost solemn look.

"Take your pants off," Gabe groaned at him, squinting his eyes and curling one side of his lips up, "Slowly."

Cas scoffed, "Oh you have got to be joking-"

"Do it." Gabe said, turning the safety off.

Cas thought he could feel his heart threatening to pump out of his chest, but at the same time he felt like his body was pumping enough blood through his system, making his head dizzy. There was no point in arguing with Gabe, because the only thing he'd get out of it would be a bloody nose. And there was no point in attempting to flee because he wouldn't even get anywhere.

The only thing pushing him through this, was Dean.

And, _god _had he hoped Dean recognized his message. He prayed every night that Dean would recognize it.

With the thought of Dean still lingering in his mind, he forced himself with all of his energy to _slowly _undo his belt and then his buttons. He shut his eyes and tried to block out the occasional heavy breath that Gabe let out as he curled his fingers around the hem of his jeans and underwear, sliding them down his thighs.

"Slower."

The deep, gravely voice projecting from Gabe had terrified the shit out of Cas, and at that moment he wanted nothing more than to hear the buildings door burst open, to hear Dean call his name and save him. For Dean to wrap his arms around him and hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he was _there. _

It was so hard not to cry as his legs shook when he had finally stepped out of his clothes, avoiding all possible eye contact with Gabe. Cas' arms crossed over his lower stomach, partially to cover himself, and partially to hold his stomach because he thought he was going to hurl at any moment now.

"See, that wasn't so bad was it, baby?"

Cas still had his eyes tightly shut, clenching his eyebrows together tightly, just wanting _anything _other than to be there naked in front of the guy who _used _to be his best friend. And that's not even what scared Cas the most, it was that he just _never knew. _He never knew the real Gabe, even after everything, everything they had been through, he never knew that Gabe was..._insane._

Cas slightly nodded and he opened his eyes at just the _wrong _time to see Gabe stepping towards him. Cas backed up until the back of his calves hit the tub, his body slowly becoming more and more numb, like a statue frozen for eternity, unable to move as Gabe set his hands down on Cas' hips, dragging him until Cas was pressed hard against him, and Cas squeezed his face even tighter when he felt Gabe press his erection into him.

Gabe ran his hands up along Cas' spine and back until the rested on each side of his ribs, still pressing into him as he kissed Cas' neck softly. Cas tried to jerk his head, but he was still frozen, and his body couldn't process what was happening. Cas held his breath for the life of him.

Gabe looked up at him and made a disheartened face when he saw that Cas was _not _enjoying this. "Alright, I guess that's enough for today." He groaned, letting his hands slide off Cas.

Cas kept his eyes shut until he heard the door close, releasing the long breath that he had been containing for so long. His body was still partially numb and tingling all over as he stepped into the shower, turning on the water and cringing when the cold water hit him. He covered his chest with his arms, crossing them over his body to protect himself from the cold, but as the water warmed, Cas still tried to cover himself, unwittingly shrinking his body down, scrunching his knees until his butt hit the ground and his knees were pulled into his chest. He tucked his face into the curve of his knees, wrapping his arms around his shins, making his best effort not to break down at any moment.

So, he did the only thing his body would let him.

"Dean," He whispered, shaking his head as he lifted it up, "I haven't the slightest clue why I'm about to do this. I really don't, but I...I just _have _to." Cas scoffed, smiling as he shook his head again, "I don't know if you would call this _praying to you_, exactly...but, I-I just want you to _hear me. _I just want you to _save me. _"

Cas looked to the ceiling, as if to emphasize his point of _praying, _but he still had no idea what he was doing.

He swallowed, "I just-I love you, okay? I love you, Dean Winchester. Please _never forget that_."

Cas tucked his head in the curve of his knees again, hoping, _praying, _that Dean would come to save him. And he almost had sparked the slightest strand of hope, but it was quickly put out by Gabe's voice towering over him.

"Are you almost done, baby? I made dinner!"

Cas lifted his head, "Uh-y-yeah." He yelled, pushing himself up and quickly running shampoo in his hair.

A few minutes later he stepped out, shook a towel around his damp body and put on the clothes Gabe had laid out for him. He grabbed the doorknob, pausing for a moment before shutting his eyes tightly again.

"_Never forget that, Dean._" Cas whispered before walking back into the depths of hell itself.


	10. Chapter 10

"So get this,"

Dean's head perked up from behind the sofa, "Alright, let me hear it."

It had been a few days that Sam's been studying the video, attempting to get some sort of idea where Cas might be based on his surroundings. The video didn't have that much to go off of, considering the only thing behind Cas was, well, a wall. Started from his feet at the edge of the screen, and about 5 feet of wall above him, to his left and to his right of him. Besides that, Cas was sitting in an old stack of wood that was dirty and tied with loose string.

With very little hope, Dean had still been praying every night that Sam would figure something out, and even if he didn't, Dean still wouldn't stop looking, despite not knowing where to begin.

With computer in hand, Sam plopped down onto the couch in between Balthazar and Dean. "It's a coal factory, more specifically a charcoal one."

Balthazar leaned into Sam, "And you know this how?"

Sam grinned, pulling up the video and zooming in on a faint black dust that was fading on the wall behind Cas. He ran his finger over the black dust, "See that?" Dean and Balthazar nodded, "It's coal dust. At first I thought it was paint, but paint doesn't leave a residue like that. It's too faded and blotchy."

Dean shot him apprehensive glare, "Are you sure about this?"

Sam laughed in the back of his throat, "I wasn't done yet, don't get your panties in a twist, Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes, as he took in a deep breath,"Alright, sorry Einstein. Continue."

Sam zoomed the video out again so it was he full picture, and Dean's stomach shrunk at the sight of Cas, despite the fact that he'd seen the video a hundred times over.

Sam parted his mouth, "Coal companies try burning wood with coal to cut carbon emissions..."

Balthazar and Dean looked at each other like Sam had just spoken gibberish, which in a _way, _he had.

"Moose-boy say what?" Dean said, sarcasm full intended. He started to regret the decision of calling Sam, thinking that maybe he'd gone completely insane instead.

"God, Dean! Let me finish!"

Dean held open palms up in front of his chest, motioning for his brother to continue, even though Dean hadn't the slightest clue where Sam was heading with this. Dean tapped his feet on the carpet in anticipation.

Sam cleared his throat, "Coal companies are looking for way to reduce fossil fuels, you know, help decrease pollution and what not? Well, look what Cas just-so-happens to be popping a squat on?"

It was silent for a few moments, with only the sudden quick breath Dean drew in when he realized what Sam was talking about, "_A stack of wood._"

"And, there also just-so-happens to be an abandoned coal factory in Oro Grande, California. About an hour from here."

Dean shot up from the couch, "Well what are we waiting for? Let's go, c'mon!"

Balthazar and Sam exchanged a look, a look that Dean knew wasn't a good one. Dean swallowed hard.

Sam shut the laptop, placing it gently on the coffee table in front of him before he tongued his lips, "Dean, we don't know what we're getting into here. This could be dangerous."

Dean parted his mouth, crinkling his nose and eyebrows together, "Dangerous? _Dangerous? _So?" Dean spat at them, and he could already feel the anger start to flare in his core. They had it. They had everything. This was it. This was their chance. And _they weren't doing anything. _

It was silent again, and Dean saw Balthazar ball up his fists before he cleared his throat, "What if he's not there, Dean?"

The flare in Dean's core was rising, becoming hotter and hotter by the second, "What the fuck do you mean?" _  
_

"I mean," Sam said as he stood from the couch, eyes glassy and tense, "It's just-"

"What, Sam?" Dean spat at him, stepping closer until his brother's face was only inches from his. He really didn't want to hear what he said, but he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"I mean you might have to face reality, Dean."

If the reality of life hadn't hit him before, it did now. He'd been telling himself over and over again, every hour of every day that everything was going to be fine, just enough that he had believed himself. Dean believed that he was _going _to get Cas. To do whatever it takes to save him, and that they'd be happy together after. That he'd get to spend forever with Castiel, like he promised him. He couldn't break his promise to him, he couldn't. It would've hurt Cas, and it would've hurt Dean even more.

But in reality, he didn't know if any of it would happen. It had only been what he wanted to happen. And if life had been a bitch to him before, it sure as hell would do it again.

He was suddenly swallowed in his brothers arms coming around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug that Dean really didn't want right now. Sam tightened his grip, "I'm sorry, Dean. I really am. I promise you I will do whatever it takes to find him, but...I can't look forever."

Dean felt his skin become hot and sweaty. He shoved his brothers arms off, clamping his fists and eyebrows together, "No, Sam. You know what? I don't care if _you _stop looking. Because _I'm _never going to stop looking. I never said I needed you to help me save him anyway."

"Dean-"

All of the blood in Dean's body rushed to his head in one quick pulse. He was just so _done. _Dean's eyes were glaring at him like a bull seeing red. "No! You know if you don't want to go, that's fine. I can do this by myself! Cas is _my _boyfriend!"

"Alright girls, simmer down!" Balthazar cut in the middle of them, and Dean almost felt bad that he had forgotten Balthazar was there. Balthazar outstretched his arm in Dean's direction, "Look, you two, especially you Bruce Banner," Balthazar said pointing his finger in Dean's face, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm doing this because Cas is my friend. He's all of ours, some more than others. But were all here for the same reason, aren't we? So why don't you girls go take some Midol and then let's get the show on the road and kick some ass, shall we?"

Dean's lips curled up, and _god, _if he didn't love Balthazar before, he sure does now. He was still mad, but Balthazar was right. Cas was just as much Sam's friend as he was Dean's boyfriend. Dean's always been the do-it-himself type, because he thought that if it wasn't done his way, things would get messed up. Dean wasn't lying when he said he didn't need their help, because he really and truly didn't. He just needed them there in case _Cas wasn't_.

As much as he felt like he was going to hurl, Dean was still the first one out the door, striding cholericly to the Impala. Sam watched him leave, body tensing as the door slammed behind Dean.

Balthazar huffed, "He forgot his Midol," He said before grabbing his jacket off the table and heading for the door.

Sam swallowed, "Balthazar wait,"

Balthazar turned to look at him as he swung his jacket over his shoulders, "Hm?"

Sam parted his mouth, stuttering his breath for a few moments, "If Cas isn't there..." He trailed himself off, feeling his body heat up and his muscles press tightly around his veins, "I-I don't know what to do. I don't know what _Dean_ will do."

Balthazar swallowed hard before nodding, "I know, Sam."

"No, I don't think you do. I almost lost my brother _last time._" Sam gritted his teeth, balling up his fists and grimacing at the thin sheet of sweat around them._  
_

"And I almost lost my best friend, Sam." He said, his voice deep and tired. Sam's jaw clenched and quivered, and he could feel the heat rising in his body, demanding to be let free. His eyes became harder and harder to see out of, the expanse of water growing and blocking his view. Balthazar walked over to him, placing a strong grip on his shoulders, "Sam, Dean needs you. Cas needs you. Hell, I need you. We need a 6"4' Sasquatch out there with us."

Sam shut his eyes and smiled, inadvertently letting a small droplet of water fall from his eye. He let out a heavy breath, nodding his head, "Okay. Yeah, okay."

Balthazar gave him a pat on the back before they both heard the screech of a car horn and a faint inaudible yell coming from outside.

Balthazar looked at Sam again, his eyes wide and intent, "You ready?"

"Hell yeah." He declared, nodding his head. And as he watched Balthazar begin to make his way out the door, it was almost so tempting to watch him leave and just lock the door after him, because Sam was not ready. Not ready at all.

* * *

It was late at night and the ride to the factory was silent. Neither Sam nor Balthazar dared to speak, but Dean was almost hoping they would.

The terror had kept Dean captive, engulfing his body in a dark mist that Dean couldn't see his way out of. He was surprised he was still alive, given the fact that his heart was beating against his chest so hard it _hurt. _Every breath he took felt cut off and broken by the fear crawling in his chest, wrapping it's fingers around his lungs slowly. It wasn't facing Gabe, it wasn't the fear of going to the wrong place, it _was _the fear of losing Cas. Dean knew his body wasn't strong enough to go through the loss of losing him a _second time_, especially when he'd had him so tightly wrapped around his life just days before.

It was the fear of never being able to breathe normally again, knowing that he was gone. Or the fear of never being able to find someone even close enough to Cas that would suffice Dean enough to keep him moving, because Dean knew there wasn't anyone that would be as good as Cas was. And if fear wasn't enough, it was anger that started to wrap around his lungs to, because Cas didn't know how much he had meant to Dean. Dean thought it was his fault, for not being able to convince Cas that he'd been everything and anything he'd ever wanted and needed.

His hands gripped the steering wheel, eyes forcing to stay focused on the road even when the tears had no way of stopping. It was so hard to love him when the fear of losing him was all Dean could think about. Castiel was Dean's one weak spot, his one damn weak spot that was so strong that it just might kill him.

The memories, the dreams, the _promises _that he had made to Cas that he'd never gotten to fulfill because he'd been so stupid to leave that fucking door open. He'd promised Cas that he would love him until the day after forever, and _god dammit_, he wasn't going to break that promise, even if it kills him.

"Turn here," Sam spoke, and Dean's body hitched. The tires rolled over onto gravel, and the factory was finally in sight. Small, old and chipped with overgrown trees engulfing the sides, branches and leaves clinging to the outside cracked walls.

The engine hummed down, but Dean's body did the opposite. Part of him was screaming at him to get out of the car, burst into the building and fight until there wasn't a breath left in him, but a part of him was whispering at him to stay, because he didn't want to know _what _was inside. _If _there was anything inside.

Balthazar had left and shut the car door with a slam, leaving Dean and Sam alone. Dean's breath was coming out in quick, gasping intervals as he stared at the building in front of him.

Sam swallowed hard next to him, "Are you ready to do this?"

Dean turned to him, eyes wilted and glassy, "No," He breathed slowly, wiping his sweat palms on his jeans.

Sam nodded, "Me either."

"I can't loose him, Sammy."

"Can't or _won't_?"

Dean dug his fingernails into his palm, "Both." Loud thumping seemed to drown out all other sounds as Dean's heart pounded against his ribs, his lungs struggling to take in air.

It was silent, with only the loud muffled hum of the crickets outside. Sam shifted in his seat so his whole body was facing Dean. "Dean," Sam whispered. Dean remained looking down at the steering wheel. He was ashamed of having his brother seeing him like this.

"Dean, look at me." Sam snapped, his hand pounding on the dashboard. Dean's head hitched up, his eyebrows low, trying to cover the teary eyes beneath them. "Look, I know I can't promise you that everything will turn out alright. God, I wish I could. But I can't. I c_an _promise you that you will have me helping you every single step of the way, regardless of what happens." Sam said stiffly as he eyed Dean's bottom lip beginning to quiver, "Dean, you are the bravest guy I've ever known. Braver than me, braver than Bobby, braver than Dad ever was for _Christ_ _sake. _And I know you can do this."

Dean bit his lip to restrain it from shuddering. He nodded, but his feelings hadn't changed. Yeah, he was happy to hear that his brother would be there for him, but Dean _already knew _Sam would be. He knew that nothing, that no amount of motivational pep-talk was going to calm him down, because it just wasn't possible, and Dean knew Sam already knew that. But Dean appreciated his endeavor, and nodded. "Alright, Sammy. Let's go kick some ass."

Sam grinned, opening the glove compartment and pulling out a 9 mm handgun before stepping out of the car and tucking it in his pants behind him.

The walk from the car to the building was almost impossible to complete due to the numbness in Dean's legs. Sometimes he'd keel over just a little and bump into his brother, who seemed to understand completely about Dean's nerves being on the edge.

When Dean saw that all the windows were black, he started to doubt his brothers research. "Wouldn't there be lights on, or-or something? They can't just sit in the dark."

"Not unless he boarded the windows." Balthazar responded almost immediately, which was under all circumstances _not _the response Dean wanted to hear.

When the approached the front door, Sam stopped, placing his arm out to block Balthazar and Dean from opening it. "Wait," He snapped, "It'd be too easy to just _walk _in."

Balthazar nodded and backed up, "You're right, crazy as he is, Gabe's smarter than that. He could've put an alarm or booby trapped the place for all we know."

Dean scoffed in the back of his throat, "So what, suddenly were all Indiana Jones and were in the Temple Of Doom? It's a fucking coal factory, what booby traps could be here?"

Sam shot him an annoyed glare, "That's just _it_,Dean. It's a coal factory," Sam whispered loudly to him, "Fire?"

"Alright whatever," Dean said, backing away from the door to examine the outer parts of the complex, "So what now, Einstein?"

Sam looked at the ground, his teeth clattering together for a moment before his head shot up, "Fire escape."

Dean opened his hands out in front of him, "Lead the way, Sasquatch."

The fire escape was on the opposite side of the building from where the already were, and the ladder was too high up that not even Sam could reach it. Sam jumped, his fingertips only slightly brushing the metal ends of the ladder.

"Fuck!" Sam shouted, out of breath and pacing around in the dirt.

Dean was losing his patience. They did _not _come all the way here just to fail at finding a way in the damn place. Sam stopped pacing, his head shooting up and eyes locking hard on Dean.

"What?" Dean stammered.

"Get on my shoulders."

"That is a bad idea, Sam."

Balthazar laughed, "Oh now _this _should be interesting."

"C'mon, Dean. I can do it," Sam said, kneeling down slightly and placing his hands out together in front of him. Dean looked at him like he had just grown a third head, but had stepped forward anyway, placing one shoe into his brother's clamped hands, and his fingers tightly against each of Sam's shoulders to push himself up. Dean suddenly felt hands on the back of his hips, and turned around to see Balthazar getting ready to push him up.

"Ready?" Sam grunted as he dug his shoes farther into the dirt. Dean nodded, and Sam pushed his hands up slightly, "Okay, one, two, three!" He yelled, and Sam shoved him up with all his force, with Balthazar helping support the back of him. Dean was shoved so far up that half of his torso had passed the ladder completely and onto the platform itself. His legs dangled for a little, struggling to pull the rest of his body weight up when he felt another quick push from the bottom of his feet. Sam was standing on his tip-toes, pressing into Dean's heels to maintain support. Dean swung his legs over, grunting at himself before he heard a sudden _"Ow!"_ come from below him. _  
_

Dean crawled up on the platform looking down at his brother who was gripping his arm tightly, "You kicked me!"

Dean shrugged, out of breath and his muscles aching, "I told you it was a bad idea!"

Balthazar laughed again, "Dean, I must say you _really _do have a nice ass." He said, his face filled with amusement.

Dean rolled his eyes, looking around the platform to see a small set of stairs in front of him leading to a steel door. He looked down at his brother again, "Sammy, toss me the gun."

"What?" Sam groaned, "Throw the ladder down. C'mon. Clock's tickin'."

Dean bit the inside of his cheek, "Just throw the gun up and then I'll throw the ladder down. I'm gonna be the one using it anyways."

Sam chortled in the back of his throat before untucking the gun from his pants and tossing it up to Dean. Dean grabbed it and stuffed it in the inside pocket of his leather jacket.

"Alright, c'mon now. Push it down." Sam groaned.

Dean grabbed the ends of the ladder, pressing hard at the handles but they didn't seem to budge. "It's to rusty," Dean groaned as he tried to thrust it down.

Balthazar sighed, "Push harder! Don't be a weak prissy girl!"

Dean shot him a fused glare, "I am fucking trying-"

Dean was cut off by a bloodcurdling scream coming from inside the building.

The breath caught in Dean's lungs when he recognized the voice, "_Cas._"

Dean didn't hesitate to let go of the handles, immediately running full fledge up the stairs and kicking the steel door open in one hit, breaking not _one, _not _two, _but _three _padlocks that were clamped against the door, sending them all down and clanking against the scaffold beneath them.

What Dean saw next was most terrifying thing he'd ever seen in his life.


	11. Chapter 11

****WARNING: _STRONG_ MENTIONS OF DUB-CON/NON-CON IN THIS CHAPTER****

* * *

"Castiel!"

Dean jumped from the 15 foot high scaffold, landing hard and painfully on the concrete floor, twisting his ankle severely. He groaned, grabbing his ankle, knowing that he had done a great deal to it, but his legs kept moving him forward. He limped until he collapsed onto the bed next to Cas, his knees hitting the ground.

He grabbed Castiel's face, trying his best to ignore the fact that Castiel's arms and legs were all tied to a separate corner of the bed,"Oh my god, Cas!" Dean shook him, "Castiel!" He yelled, his voice stricken and shakey along with the rest of his body. Cas let out a breathy groan, his eyes twitching slightly but not opening.

And then Dean saw them_._

The hickies.

Laid out, red and purple marks coated the skin around Castiel's neck, leading farther down onto his bare chest and stomach. And then Dean saw _bruises. Five_ little finger sized deep black and blue marks around the curve of his hip bone. His jeans were unbuttoned, torn and ragged at the knees, dirt and coal dust in blotches along the material, and even some dust along the bases of his arms. He had small nick over the curve of his eyebrow, along with a few other slits around the outer corners of his eye and lip. His right cheek was swollen and red and already beginning to glow purple.

Dean could feel himself ready to throw up at any second, the lump catching in his throat. He could feel his eyes tearing as he ran his thumb over Cas' slightly bruised cheek, "Cas..." He whispered, unable to push any more power out of him to construct more than just a whimper, "My Castiel..._god_...what did he do to you...my baby, what did he do to you..."

Castiel's eyelashes fluttered again before they shot open, his chest heaving with a loud gasp as he looked at Dean, "Oh my-oh my god, Dean!"

Dean's body hitched, smiling and gasping for air at the same time as he cupped Castiel's face, "Cas you-"

Cas sat up,"Dean! He's coming back! He's going to come back any minute!"

Dean let go of his face, beginning to untie the rope on his right hand, grimacing when he saw the tattered rope burns across Castiel's arms, leaving small, little red cuts and red spots down his arm, "C'mon, let's get you out of here, Cas."

Cas grabbed Dean's hand with his now free one, squeezing tight and pulling him close, "You found me," He whispered, his mouth quivering and his eyes glassy and red.

Dean sucked in a massive gasp for air, his face more wet than just what sweat could have done, "Of course I did, _my deer in headlights,_" Castiel's hand was extremely sweaty, his nails were sharp and ridged, dried blood in the creases of the nails. He squeezed Cas' hand harder, "I'm getting you out of here c'mon-"

Castiel's eyes went wide, his jaw dropping slightly.

Dean heard the creak of a door open behind him.

Then the sound of a gun being loaded.

Dean remained with his eyes locked on Castiel, his body refusing to move an inch.

Gabe's hair was soaking wet, dripping over his forehead and down the sides of his face, "I went in the shower for 5 minutes. And this is what I come out to? Oh, Dean. Somehow I am so _not _surprised to see you."_  
_

Still squeezing tightly onto Castiel's hand, Dean stood, wincing at the pain in his ankle. His heart pounded against his ribs, echoing throughout his ears as he turned to face Gabe, gun cocked and head tilted, a big wide grin on his face.

"Long time no see, Dean-o." Gabe smiled at him. Dean slowly reached behind him, attempting to grab the gun from his jeans, "Uh-uh-uh, Winchester. What is it? A gun? A knife? Whatever it is, put it down on the ground now, and kick it over to me."

Gabe's eyes pierced Dean's, but Dean didn't flinch. His hand pulled the gun from his jeans, lifting it slowly from behind him.

"Alright fine," Gabe said, pointing the gun now _directly _at Castiel.

Dean froze, his hand tightening around Castiel's. He lowered the gun, bending slightly to place it on the ground.

Cas yanked Dean's hand, "Don't listen to him, Dean!" He shouted.

Gabe laughed, taking a few steps closer to them, making Dean's breathing harder and harder to complete. "Oh, Cassie, baby you sure you wanna go there?"

Dean could feel the blood in his veins become thinner, filling his eyes with spots and making him dizzy. He wasn't scared. He was _terrified. _Gabe could shoot at any moment. Not at him, but at _Cas._

"Gun. Ground. Now." Gabe spat at him, both hands gripping the gun pointed at Cas. Dean did as he was told, setting the handgun gently on the ground. "Kick it over to me."

Dean placed his foot over the gun, but was suddenly distracted when there came a loud metal clash outside, coming from the fire escape where Dean had entered. Dean heard another _"Ow!", _followed by a skittish British accent, _"Shit, sorry, Sasquatch!"_

Gabe paused, "What the-?" He exclaimed, his head turning in the direction of the fire escape, his upper lip coiling in confusion.

Dean dropped Castiel's hand, and in one quick moment, picked up the gun, and fired. His hands still shook more than he could control, the force of the gun involuntarily sending him spiraling backwards until the backs of his calves hit the bed.

There was a moment where Dean blacked out, seized by the moment, where his body just collapsed beside the bed. He could hear Castiel yelling something in his ear, but everything had just slowed down, becoming too much for Dean to process at once. The only thing he could hear was his pulse beating in his spine, sending slow rushes of blood throughout his body. It was like seeing ad breathing underwater, his eyes blurry and his lungs fighting to take in an amount of air that they could find.

And in one quick motion, everything was in fast forward, and the only thing he could hear was Cas screaming.

"Dean! Dean! Snap out of it! He's gone!"

Dean's chest heaved, and suddenly there was a pair of hands clasping under his arms, pulling him to his feet.

The arms held him up, supporting him as the blood returned to his legs. "Dean, where did he go?"

His vision was still hazed, but he could make the voice out clearly. "Balthazar, I-I don't-"

Cas grabbed Dean's hand, "He left- I don't know where he went. He left through one of the side doors. The place is a maze, trust me, I've tried to get out. There's no knowing where he went."

Balthazar sucked in a quick breath when he saw Cas' _condition. _"Oh, god. Cas..."

"It's okay. Don't worry about me. I have a free hand, I can untie myself. He won't hurt me, but he will hurt you guys. You guys need to get out of here!" Cas shouted, beginning to untie his other hand.

Dean turned to him, leaning a knee on the bed and bending over to cup Castiel's face. "I am _not _leaving here without you, you understand? I'm _not._"

Cas nodded, since there was no point arguing with Dean given how stubborn he was. Dean stared at him with glassy eyes before he pulled Castiel into a tight kiss.

Their kiss was broken when a loud muffled voice came over an intercom.

**"Is this thing on? Testing one, two, three? Alright, well I guess it is considering the priceless looks on all your faces. Damn, this is such a Kodak moment."**

Dean looked around the room in confusion until he spotted a camera in the far corner diagonal from them. "There," Dean pointed, "He can see us."

**"I can hear you also. Good job, Dean. Nothin' gets by you. And Balthazar! Damn, bro, it's been a long ass time! Where you been?"**

Balthazar flipped the camera off, "Fuck you." He spat.

**"That's not very nice. And Castiel, I expected more from you than to just go kissing Dean again. I really thought we had something special, baby. We had so much fun last night. And you're just gonna throw it all away, for _him_?"**

Cas shook his head, his teeth clattering down. "There was nothing between us, you _monster. _Dean's my boyfriend. Always has been, always will be." He shouted, grabbing Dean's hand again. Although he was still terrified, Dean smiled.

The intercom was silent for a few moments, with only the buzz of the speaker filling the room.

**"That is _not_ what you said last night, Cassie."**

The breath caught in Dean's lungs again, he turned to Cas, who was shaking his head and staring directly into the camera. "No-"

**"Oh yes. You didn't like when I kissed you? When I sucked on your neck and made you moan?"**

Cas' chest was heaving now, short and quick breaths coming out is shallow gasps, "Stop! No!"

Dean couldn't breathe. Gravity was not agreeing with him, and it was shrinking his lungs in his stomach, ripping them apart from his throat. He let go of Cas' hand.

Cas looked up at him, tears falling from his eyes, "Do not believe this, Dean. I-"

**"Castiel, don't play games here. You enjoyed when I pounded into you last night, didn't you? It sure sounded like it, considering you were _screaming _my name."**

Dean smashed his hands over his ears, "Fucking stop! Shut up! Stop!" He screamed, clashing his teeth together, scrunching his face tightly. He could hear a high pitched screeching in his head, sounding painfully high enough to break all the windows in the building. He bent over, gripping the sides of his head in case his ears started bleeding.

**"That's right, Dean-o. I made him come last night. I was touching him. Not you. _Me. _I did everything to him. And _he liked it._"**

"Stop it, you _monster_! I did none of those things! Just stop!" Cas screamed, his face red and sweaty, tears dripping from his chin into his lap.

Dean stood, his body aching and screaming at him to run. "You're fucking dead, Gabe. You hear me? _Dead._"

**"Then come find me."**

"You son of a bitch!" Dean screamed, but the buzzing of the intercom had already turned off, leaving the three men in the room alone.

"Dean, please don't believe anything-"

"Not now, Cas."

"But-"

"I said not now, dammit!" He yelled, turning to Cas and seeing the red, wet, broken face. He didn't want to hear what he had to say, mainly because he just didn't want to think about it. What Gabe said to him, it was like cutting open a scar, unleashing feelings Dean didn't even know he had. Tears covered his face, leaving a think glistening sheet on his cheeks. Dean took the gun from the ground, storming out of the room and into the first door that he saw, holding back the pain in his lungs and in his ankle.

Cas twitched his hand out, wanting to reach for Dean, but he couldn't do anything else but watch him leave. His face fell to his hands before he began whimpering softly. A hand laid on his shoulder, rubbing his back.

"He's caught up right now, Cas." Balthazar said, reaching over to untie his feet.

Cas sucked in a raspy breath, "I don't know what to do." He cried.

"Look at me." Balthazar said, pulling Cas' wrists down and exposing his face, "Did he do those things to you, Castiel?"

Castiel looked down at the bed, not saying a word. And Balthazar didn't need words to know, because he could read it off Cas' face. Balthazar put his hands on Cas' bare shoulders, taking a deep breath before pulling him into a tight hug. Balthazar squeezed him tightly, and he could feel drops of water hitting his shoulder, along with quick shallow heated breaths.

"It's okay, Cas. We've got you. We're here. Everything's going to be okay. It's okay." He said, his hands tightly pressed against Castiel's back. Cas started crying even more, gasping for air. "Shh. It's okay, let it out. It's okay."

Cas calmed a little, and Balthazar could feel his heartbeat soften against his chest. "I-I wanted to die. I wanted to die so bad. But I couldn't leave Dean. I couldn't."

Balthazar swallowed, continuing to hold him because he had no idea what to say.

Cas cried more, and he couldn't seem to stop. Dean was the only motivation he had to not do something incredibly stupid and end up getting himself killed. It was the memories of lying in bed with him at night, their bodies entwined with each other, breathing calmly and soundly as they both drifted off to sleep. Every night Cas dreamed of green eyes and freckles, running his fingers through light brown hair and the feeling of thin stubble against his lips.

And he couldn't seem to stop crying until Dean returned, panting and limping. Dean's eyes widened when he saw Cas in Balthazar's arms.

"Did you find him?" Balthazar asked, but got no response as Dean shoved him off the bed and resumed where he had been before, his hands firmly planted on Castiel's shoulders.

"Cas, what's wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?"

"Those things Gabe said, please, I-I didn't-"

Dean pulled him in for a hug. "Cas, I know you didn't. I just don't like hearing about anyone else touching you, even if it's bullshit." Cas smiled at the unshaven jaw that was tickling his shoulder, entwining his fingers with Dean's hair like he'd been dreaming of doing for days. Dean could feel Cas beginning to cry again, "Cas, I'm here. I'm here, okay? I promised you I wasn't going anywhere, and dammit, I'm keeping that promise."

"Uh, Dean?" Balthazar said quietly as he tapped Dean on the shoulder.

"What?" Dean turned, and his eyes got wide. Balthazar was pointing to a door that was _shaking. _The doorknob was twisting furiously, the hinges vibrating to whole doorframe. Dean removed the gun from his jeans, standing and pointing it at the door. Cas stood behind Dean, blocked by his back as he set his hand on Dean's shoulders.

The door stopped, and Dean set his gun down a little. It was silent in the room, the only sound was the heavy breath escaping from Dean's mouth.

And then the hinges from the door broke, and the door was sent pummeling to the ground.

"Dean!"

Dean's hand _almost_ fired, but gladly his hands were still shaking enough to delay him. "Sam! How did you-?"

Sam looked stunned and out of breath. "Well, thanks to you and V-neck over there, I had to find a different way in. Turns out the front door didn't have any booby traps. Just a lot of padlocks."

Dean looked at Balthazar with an annoyed glare as he raised his eyebrows. Balthazar coiled his lips and shrugged with a smile."Oops."

Cas stepped out from behind Dean, and Sam't breath caught in his throat when he saw him, his jaw dropping slightly.

Dean put the gun back in his jeans. "Did you see Gabe anywhere?"

"No, I haven't. He got away?"

Cas stepped forward, and Sam swallowed, still finding it difficult to look at him, "He went through one of the side doors. This place has a lot of rooms. He really could be anywhere."

"You lost, boys? I'm up here."

All eyes shot up to the fire escape door, where Gabe stood, gun pointed at them all.

And then he fired.

Dean covered Cas behind him, "Cas are you okay! Sam? Balthazar?" He looked to all of them, and they were fine, shaken up, but fine.

"You missed, asshole." Dean shouted getting his gun ready to pull out of his jeans.

"Gabe smiled, dodging out the door, "Did I, though?" He yelled as he ran down the stairs to the fire escape.

Dean started running to the scaffold when a hand tugged his arm. He turned to Cas.

Cas' face was twisted into a pale white, his whole body shaking. Dean grabbed his arm, his heart pounding, "Cas?! Are you-"

"Dean! You're bleeding!" Cas screamed, his eyes falling to Dean's stomach. Dean put a hand on his stomach.

It was wet.

All of the pain hit him at once, and he lost his balance, falling over into Castiel's arms.

Sam's jaw dropped, "Dean!" He screamed, his legs snapping to his side. Sam ripped the sleeve of his shirt up, balling it around Cas' fist and holding it over Dean's stomach, "Put pressure. Do not let go of him, understand me?"

Castiel's hand was shaking and he couldn't feel it, "Y-yes, o-okay, okay."

Balthazar kneeled and pressed his hand on top of Cas', and Dean felt an excruciating burning, and he could've swore he was on fire. He could feel the blood come up into his throat, bubbling and demanding to be let out of his body.

Sam left, running after Gabe, leaving Cas and Balthazar alone.

"Call 911, Balthazar! Now!" Cas said, leaning his forehead on Dean's, "Please stay with me, please. I can't lose you, please."

Dean's hand grabbed Cas' as tightly as he could, "Cas-I-"

"Just, shh..okay, we're-we're getting help, okay? Help's coming. You're gonna be fine, alright? You hear me? You're gonna be fine." Cas ran his fingers over Dean's forehead, wiping the hair out of his face, the tears pouring from his eyes landing on Dean's forehead.

Dean could feel the life being sucked from him, his stomach and lungs shrinking and fighting. It was hard to breathe, with an indescribable pressure sinking into his chest. He couldn't hear what Cas was saying, and he could barely see what was happening, and all he could focus on was trying to get his lungs to keep working, even though they were failing.

"Dean! Dean, please! Stay with me, okay?! Please, oh god, please! I can't lose you, please, god, I can't lose you."

Dean's eyes shut.

And then it was black.


	12. Chapter 12

He could still hear them. They all thought he was still asleep. But he could still hear them Each and every one of them.

Including now.

At first it was just the same smooth female voice that he heard every day. Sometimes she'd talk to him, and this was one of those times. She started talking about a good blood pressure and heart rating, which was something he didn't really care about. But, then there came a knock on the door.

_"Hey! You're here early today! I didn't expect you until later."_

_"Yeah, I know. Sorry, Tessa. Sam, Balthazar and I, we're getting together tonight for dinner. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop by later, so I figured now was best. Am I interrupting anything?"_

_"Not at all! I was just checking his readings."_

_"And?" _

The voices got closer.

_"He's doing amazing. Should be awake soon now."_

_"Good. Two weeks, it's uh-it's been a while, you know?"_

_"Of course I do, sweetheart. But, you're here, and you're seeing him. And he's okay. And that's all that matters, isn't it? He's okay."_

_"But what happened...that's not okay."_

_"Yes, I know. He may have some PTSD as he recovers. Things like - like that are difficult to overcome."_

He felt a hand rest on his own, moving up along the rest of his arm.

And he could _feel_ it.

The _warmth._

_"Yeah. I know."_

His head was screaming. _He w_as screaming. And he didn't understand why they couldn't hear him. _He was screaming. _

_"Castiel, you've been here for him every day. You might not think that he-that he cares, because he's sleeping, but he does. He knows you're here."_

He did know he was there. He screamed more. **"CASTIEL I AM RIGHT HERE. I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE. WHY CANT YOU HEAR ME?!" **

_"Shit, his heart rate is increasing. Would you mind stepping out for a second? I'm sure he's just having a nightmare. Just give me a moment, okay?"_

_"Of course."_

The warmth left his hand, and was replaced with a small pinch in the middle of his arm. This wave seemed to slowly move across his body, and he felt weaker.

_"Okay, Castiel. His heart rate is returning. You can come back in."_

_"Thanks, Tessa."_

_"My pleasure. Call me if you need anything, alright? I'll leave you two for a while."_

The voices were harder to hear. They were fading. He felt the hand place on his again, but he couldn't feel the warmth anymore. There was a loud buzz in his ears, and the voices were just barely audible.

_"Dean...I know you can't hear me. But, I just want you to know that-that I'm so glad you're okay. And I love you."_

He tried to hard to grab Castiel's hand. _God, _he tried so hard. The hand on the top of his was almost unbearably heavy, and he couldn't do it. The morphine was spreading across his body quickly, and he used the rest of the power in his body to move his finger. To just make it _twitch. _

And he knew he failed, because he couldn't hear nor feel anything anymore, and he was just back to staring at the black screen in front of him.

* * *

"So how are you doing?"

Cas looked up, and Sam was staring at him with a sincere and determined look on his face. He had barely touched his food, mostly just twisting the spaghetti around over and over again with his fork. "Fine." Cas said shrugging.

Sam laughed, "You say that _every _time I ask you that, Cas." Balthazar kicked Sam from under the table, "Ow! Alright, sorry..." He voice trailed off.

Cas smiled, "It's alright, Balthazar. I really am fine. Nothing better, nothing worse."

Sam sneered at Balthazar before returning his attention back to Cas. "Did you see him today?" He asked. Balthazar kicked him again."Jesus Christ! What?"

Cas started laughing hysterically, "Yes, I did, actually. And it's fine, Balthazar. I don't mind."

And that was _pure lies. _Of course Castiel minded. He _saw _Dean get shot. He was _there, _holding his body and pleading for his life. He _rode _in the ambulance with him. He was _dragged _away by the nurses who wouldn't let him go in the operating room with him. He was _all there. _Talking about it reminded him, about what he's had to endure the past two weeks. There's been no sleep. Barely any eating, enough for him to lose five pounds. There's the constant migraine, and sometimes he'll even get sick and have to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night after he has one of his nightmares.

It's the same nightmare over and over. And he wakes up covered in a sheet of sweat, gasping for air, and crying out Dean's name. He can never go back to sleep after he wakes up from it.

And maybe it's just him, because Sam nor Balthazar seems to be reacting to this like he is. Sam keeps saying: "_Dean is the strongest person I know. He's going to make it through this, and I haven't a doubt in my mind."_

And then there's Balthazar, who hardly utters a word about the topic unless Sam makes a snarky comment and he's forced to exhibit some type of physical punishment, such as a kick under the table. Usually its a smack to the back of the head, which Castiel thoroughly enjoys for a few minutes, but then he's reminded of _why _he's laughing, and it's just this never ending string of dominos that always leads back to Dean.

And Castiel doesn't realize that he's staring blankly into space until _he's _kicked from under the table.

"Cas?"

"Huh?" Cas looked up and saw their waitress hovering over them, staring at Cas like he was a moron.

She cleared her throat, "Are you all set? Would you like a refill of your beer?"

And it was just then that Cas realized he had already downed three beers, and hadn't even noticed it at all. He could hardly remember taking a sip. He didn't drink. He usually never did, and the last time he had, it had not let to something fun in the slightest. And why he was doing it now was beyond him, making it even more difficult to answer her question.

"No, he'll just take a water." Sam spoke for him, and Cas smiled slyly. Sam could be overbearing at times, but he meant the best, and Castiel knew that.

The waitress nodded as she picked up Castiel's glass and walked away.

"Thanks, Sam." Castiel smiled at him.

Sam nodded. "Sure, bud."

Sam smiled, and Cas could tell that the smile had to be pulled from the corners of his mind, because that smile was definitely not _real. _And Cas understood, because all of his smiles had been behind closed doors too, and it hit Cas like a bullet to the head when he realized that _Sam had almost lost someone too. _

For two weeks, Cas had felt like he'd been on his own, dealing with the pain that came with the incident. Sam had been so calm, so content, so silent. But, Cas was _too. _He held it all in because yelling and screaming wouldn't help anything. He was angry with Sam because he was _too _silent, but just then, as Castiel watched him pull that _smile _out of his body, Cas realized that he was doing _exactly _what Sam was doing.

Holding it all in.

"He moved today."

Sam and Balthazar's face shot up from the table, eyes wide and glaring at Castiel.

Sam swallowed. "He what?"

"He moved."

Sam parted his mouth as if to say something, but only let out a small breath of air. Cas could see his chest rising and falling much deeper and faster than it had before.

"W-what-what moved?" Sam stuttered.

Cas squeezed his hands. "His arm. His whole arm moved." He said, and he could still feel the warmth under his palms. He felt his mind drift into space, and he could see the flutter of Dean's eyelashes and the slow, steady rise of his chest. He'd gotten so used to seeing Dean at the hospital, he'd actually had time to count all of the freckles on his face, which is something Castiel has been wanting to do since he had met him, but had never gotten too.

Balthazar smiled brightly at Cas. "Like how? Did he just..._twitch?_"

"No," Cas said, looking down at the table and opening up his left palm, running his fingers over the skin with his other hand. "He just kinda..._held my hand._"

Balthazar's jaw dropped, "What do you mean held your hand?"

And Cas could remember it clearly, Dean's soft whimpers, his hand twitching until it had just wrapped slightly around his own. He smiled. "He just, I don't know-held it?"

They both looked at Castiel like he was the reason the world was spinning, there mouth's both parted slightly. Balthazar furrowed his brow, "Were you talking to him?"

"I mean, yes. But I don't understand why that has-"

"Maybe he heard you." Sam cut him off.

Cas laughed, "What? Tessa said he's too drugged up. That his body is just shut down and-"

Sam smacked his hand down on the table. "If it's shut down then how did he grab your hand?"

_Oh shit. _Cas thought, because Sam was _right. _"That means-"

"He's close to waking up." Sam whispers, cutting Cas off again.

This warmth began taking it's course across Castiel's body, filling up every crack and dent there was in his skin, and it was just _exhilarating. _After everything, Dean and Cas deserved this. They deserved to be happy.

"So what are you going to do with him when you take him home?" Balthazar said, his eyes wide.

As if he wasn't already excited enough, Castiel just laughed at him. He _could _tell Balthazar what he was thinking, but he might just save him the post effect of being scarred for life.

There was not a doubt in Cas' mind that when he took Dean home, he would never be able to let him go, holding him so tight as if he would disappear if he were to let go.

Balthazar waited for his answer, and Cas shook his head. "Let's just cross the bridge of him waking up first, alright? I can't think that far ahead right now." He laughed.

Balthazar nodded, giving him a once over like he knew _exactly _what Cas was thinking, and Cas wouldn't blame him if he did, because it was probably written all over his face. He could feel his cheeks flushing.

Castiel looked to Sam, and Sam's face was practically engulfed in a thick greenish-white tone. "God, please, just stop." He groaned at them, scrunching his face into a ball.

Balthazar flew his head back in laughter, "C'mon Sam, don't you want to know what your brother does in his spare time?"

Cas could feel his cheeks getting even redder, and he palmed his face in his hands and let out a small giggle. He heard Sam make a gagging noise. "Oh _Lord, _please stop. This is fucking _disgusting._"

As much as Castiel was a little embarrassed, he couldn't say that the thought of it didn't turn him on even a little, because _wow, _it did. Dean's body has been off limits for _far _too long, and when Castiel got his hands on him when he woke up, he'd be surprised if he didn't just start stripping his clothes off even with Sam and Balthazar there in the hospital with them.

Sam phone begun ringing and Sam sighed in relief. "Thank _God._" He said, pulling out his phone and holding it to his ear. "Hello?"

Balthazar looked at Cas. "Sorry, Cas." He laughed, leaning into him a little, "Love seeing the Sasquatch go all rabid, you know?"

Cas chuckled, shaking his head at him. "The wild Sasquatch in his natural habitat."

Balthazar grabbed his stomach and began cracking up as Cas started to do the same. One entertaining way to cope: Make fun of Sam Winchester.

Cas' stomach hurt from laughing, and he opened his eyes just in time to see Sam shut his phone.

He stopped laughing.

Sam was shocked. He was white.

Pure _white. _

Cas' whole body tensed, and his laugher caught hard in his lungs. He grabbed Balthazar's arm, _hard_, and Balthazar stopped laughing immediately.

Sam parted his mouth and breathed heavily. "You know how I said he's closer to waking up?"

Cas nodded.

"Closer came sooner than intended."


	13. Chapter 13

Cas was glad they were driving to the hospital because he was almost sure he was going to pass out at any moment. His palms were sweating like he had just run them under hot water, and the food in his stomach wasn't quite sitting so well.

_Three weeks._

It had been only three weeks that Dean's been unconscious, but Cas felt like it had been three _years. _And Cas was even more scared that maybe Dean would forget him, everything that they'd been through, and all Dean would remember was _how much he had hated him _not more than just a year and a half ago.

Cas felt a hand squeeze and pat his knee. "It's okay, bud. We're going to see him. Everything's fine, alright?"

Cas let out a heavy breath before a forced smile. Sam looked so calm and relaxed behind the wheel, and Cas was almost jealous that he could keep it together so well.

Cas swallowed. "I don't know how you're so-"

"Chill?" Sam interrupted, grinning as he stared at the road in front of him. Cas huffed and parted his mouth to respond, but he didn't really have a solid answer. "I know Dean. I've known him all my life. Wasn't ever a doubt in my mind he wasn't gonna make it through this. Still not a doubt and chances are there won't ever be." Sam turned to him and nodded with his dimples buried deep in his cheeks.

Cas' smile deepened. Everything was fitting back into place. Every little mis-matched puzzle piece was nuzzling into it's corner and everything was coming together and Cas' couldn't be happier.

And ten minutes later, Cas' legs were not walking, not running, but _sprinting _down the hallways and up the stairs to room 401.

The air was a little hard to breathe, but Cas could manage. He was out of breath by the time he reached the fourth floor, and he was a little sweaty and red, but his eyes locked hard on a small little white plank on the outside of a closed wooden door.

_**Room 401 **_

_**Patient: Dean Winchester**_

It was hard to walk in, but when Cas did, the breath caught dead in his throat.

There he was.

A little pale skinned, dark circles around his closed eyes, his lips were a little washed out and faded with a purple hue, and his _hair _would be considered the craziest amount of sex hair Cas has ever seen in his life. His eyelashes were fluttering for a while, but when they peaked open, the color hadn't changed a bit.

Dean blinked, the long smoky eyelashes nearly touching his cheeks. His pupils dilated, engulfing the ember meadow around it.

"_Cas._"

Dean smiled, the biggest and widest that Cas had ever seen him smile before, and it just sent this feeling right down into the middle of his chest and spread all across his body. His legs almost buckled beneath him, but before he knew it, he had Dean in his arms and he was squeezing him so tight he thought he might put him right back into a coma.

"Why are you crying? Don't cry, Cas, please don't cry."

Cas' palms were tightening around the back of his neck, entwining his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean pulled Cas on top of him, laughing and crying so hard at the same time it was overwhelming.

"I've missed you," Cas cried into his shoulder, "I've missed you so much."

Dean laughed, kissing Cas' neck and wrapping his arms around Cas' middle. "I've missed you too, baby. I've missed you too."

Cas smiled, tears steaming down his cheeks. He could feel Dean's heart pounding against his chest, and Cas didn't want to let go, but he pulled back to see his face.

Dean's eyes were red and drenched, making the green pop out even more against the red. He smiled, parting his lips to say something, _anything, _but there wasn't anything to say at all.

Dean's lips curled as he placed his thumb on Castiel's cheek, attempting to brush away the sheet of water on his skin. "_Cas._" He whispered, throat hoarse and scratchy. And then he curled his hands around the sides of Cas' face, cupping them slightly and dragging their foreheads together. Cas smiled when Dean's hot forehead hit his and his breath skimmed his neck. "I love you, Cas."

Cas smiled, but before he could return his gesture, Dean's lips were pressed firmly against his, the salty flavor lingering on his lips and tongue. A quick press to the lips; hard, but soft; fiery but cool; a split second but also forever.

"Guess we came in at the wrong time,"

Cas let go of the grasp on Dean's shirt, his face whipping to the door and meeting two very _horrified _faces.

Dean cleared his throat. "Sammy!" He yelled, his voice still lingering with scrapes. Cas scooted down to the end of the bed and let Dean hug his brother while he tried to ignore the rosy color that spread across Dean's cheeks.

It was a long hug, tight and firm, and Cas could tell from the reflection in Dean's eyes that he was trying hard not to cry in front of his little brother, but started failing miserably when Sam let out a whimper and a sniffle.

"Good to see you, Dean." Sam said pulling away, his hand falling to Dean's shoulder and squeezing. He was clearly trying to do the same thing his big brother was doing, but he also seemed to be failing miserably.

"What am I, chopped liver?"

Dean turned to Balthazar who was leaning against the doorframe and smiled. "C'mere big guy."

Balthazar laughed as he walked to the side of the bed and gave Dean a firm, quick squeeze, patting him on the back before letting go. "Glad you're okay, bud."

Dean grinned, grabbing Cas' hand. "Yeah, I am too." He said as he brushed his thumb over Castiel's.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but-"

"Tessa!" Dean yelled, his voice cracking which made the whole crowd giggle.

Tessa smiled at them. "Hi, my name's Tessa. I was Dean's nurse." There were a few muffled _"hi's" _from all of them, but nothing to enthusiastic. Dean let go of Cas' hand once Tessa approached the bed. "Sorry, hon. I just need to check on him."

Cas nodded and stood up from the bed, and was surprised to find that his legs were a little bit like jelly. Tessa began to check a few of the needles in his arm, which Cas _did not _see before, and then she began rolling down Dean's shirt, revealing a few small patch of stitches right above the tattoo on his chest, and then-

Cas swallowed hard_. Oh my god. _Cas' eyes locked hard on a huge bandage wrapped around Dean abdomen, completely covered in dried and _new _blood stains. Cas turned around. There was _no fucking way _he was looking at that. He felt a hand wrap around his shoulders.

"You okay?"

His eyes were shut but he recognized the voice. "I just don't want to look."

"No one said you had to. It's alright."

Cas nodded. "Thank you, Sam."

Cas suddenly felt sick. All the nightmares he'd had, seeing _Dean's blood _on _his hands, _it was like being right back in the factory, watching the person you love_ die. _

He wrapped his hands against his chest, crossing them and tucking them under his arms, shutting his eyes and trying to block out the nightmares, but it's all he saw.

_No, _Cas thought as he shut his eyes tighter, _Dean's okay. He's okay. He's alright. He's alive._

His eyes snapped open when he heard the echo of his name in his ears.

"Cas?"

Cas turned, and all eyes were locked hard on him, and Tessa looked the most concerned. Dean still had his shirt rolled down, but the hospital robes bundled around the bandage and covered it enough for Cas to _tolerate. _

Dean sat up a little. "Cas, you okay? We've been calling your name for like two minutes."

Cas nodded. "Uh, yeah. Sorry, just tired is all."

Tessa walked forward. "You should go home soon. Visiting hours end at eleven, hon." She said with a smile as she left the room. Sam watched her leave, and then turned back to Dean and huffed.

"Well, me and Balthazar should be going." He said, leaning over to the side of the bed and giving his brother a quick hug again. "We'll visit tomorrow, Dean, okay?"

Cas flinched. "Wait, where am I-"

"Stay with Dean for a while. Me and Balthazar will go explore around a bit." Sam smiled at him. "Pick you up at eleven?"

Cas looked around for a clock and smiled when he found one: **_9:36._**

Balthazar clapped his hands. "Alright, Sasquatch. Heard there's a hell of a strip club down the street. Let's get a move on!" Balthazar said, smiling at Dean and then at Cas as he strutted out the door.

Cas laughed at Sam's irritated glare. "God, what have I gotten myself into?" He said, shaking his head before he left the room, leaving Dean and Cas alone. Cas watched them leave, unsure of the growing feeling of anxiety in his stomach. He heard Dean sigh, and then came a small giggle.

"C'mere." Dean whispered, opening his arms out.

Cas swallowed, because he was still shirtless, and he could see the bandage peeking out from under the robes, but there was no way in _Hell_ that Cas was going to deny that. He sat on the bed, and let himself be swallowed by the smooth skin that he'd been desiring to touch for so long. Dean leaned back, pulling Castiel down with him until Cas was nudged close into the crook of Dean's neck, and Dean was brushing the back of Castiel's hair with his hand.

Cas moved his hand down his chest and rested his hand right above the bandage. "Does it hurt?"

Dean sighed. "No. Not anymore. Not really." Dean said, his hand rubbing up and down Cas' arm. "You're here. It doesn't hurt."

Cas smiled. He could feel his lip begin to quiver and shake completely out of nowhere, and there were already tears coming down his cheeks before he could stop them. _It didn't hurt; _that was all Castiel needed to know. Dean was going to be okay. Dean went through something that most people could only imagine in their worst nightmares, and still, he was going to be _okay.__  
_

Cas felt Dean's heart pick up a little bit against his chest. "Dean, are you alright?"

Dean swallowed. "Yeah, Cas, I just-" Dean paused, and his hand stopped moving up and down Cas' arm, causing Cas to sit up. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

Dean swallowed harder this time. "To Gabe, I mean."

Cas bit the inside of his cheek. "He's dead, Dean."

Dean gripped the bandage because it suddenly _hurt. _"What?"

Cas sat up completely, unable to lock his eyes on Dean. "Sam...after you-you-he...chased after him-and-"

"What did Sam do, Cas?" Dean growled, his eyes bearing into Cas so hard it only made it more difficult for Cas to hold back tears.

Cas stood from the bed. "He did what he had to!" Cas yelled at him, and Dean sat up in his bed so the bandage was completely shown. Cas swallowed, but there was something blocking his throat. "They were fighting, okay? I don't really know, but-but Gabe-he's just dead! Self defense! Sam did what he had to."

Dean's jaw was dropped. His _baby brother_, killed someone, _because of him. _"Sam..." He groaned. _He _was the one who got hurt and yet he still felt guilty, because that's all he ever does; is feel guilty. _  
_

"Dean I'm sorry, I don't know-"

"I know." Dean whispered, his eyes lightly shutting, "Just come here, Cas. Please come here."

Cas did as he was told without hesitation, crawling back into the same position against Dean's chest. Dean's arms were wrapped warm across Cas' body, making his eyelids heavier and heavier, and soon he found it impossible to keep them up. It was a loud silence, with only deep breaths filling the room. Cas clutched Dean's side tighter, breathing in the scent of his skin again, running his lips around his now really fuzzy neck and chin, and he smiled.

A long time had passed, and Cas had almost fallen asleep when he'd felt Dean shift a little in the bed.

"We should get a white picket fence."

Cas rubbed his eyes and looked up at Dean. He still had his eyes shut, but his fingers were twirling around in Cas' hair. Cas giggled, "What?" He groaned, his voice low and hoarse.

Dean smiled. "A white picket fence. We should get one."

Cas tilted his head. "What? Why?"

Dean didn't respond immediately, but he opened his eyes and placed a kiss on the top of Cas' head before locking his eyes on his. Cas could see the pain blocked by a thin sheet, but even with speckles of torment he could still make out those small happy ones.

Dean brushed his fingertips along Cas' jaw. "When we get a house. We should get a white picket fence."

Cas paused. Not _if, _but _when. _He smiled in the crook of Dean's neck. "A white picket fence, huh?"

"And annoying neighbors. And one of those little red grills that we can put in the backyard next to a picnic table, and we can have a hammock in between two trees and we can go outside at night and watch the stars." Dean said slowly, occasionally smiling and looking up at the ceiling.

Cas smiled in the crook of Dean's neck, and he could feel Dean rest his head on his. Cas was in the essence of happiness, and he knew he deserved to be; that he deserved to be with Dean and Dean deserved to be with him; and nothing in the world mattered more because Cas knew there was nobody else that could make his heart beat as fast like Dean did.

"Sure, Dean. We can get a white picket fence." Cas whispered, smiling even though small tears were coming down his cheeks, sliding onto Dean's skin.

He was happy.

_He was home. _


	14. Chapter 14

"Jesus, Dean! Hold still! If you just cooperate, you'll be out of here soon!"

Dean shook his head and squirmed away from the stethoscope. "As if me _cooperating _is even an option, Tessa."

Tessa laughed in agreement and pulled the stethoscope away from Dean's bare chest, then taking out a small flashlight and holding it up along with her index finger to Dean's eye. "Look here," She said, waving the small light back and forth in Dean's eyes, and Cas can't help but smile when the light outlines the gold specks in the green. Cas unfolds his hands from his lap, and stood up when he saw Tessa put down the flashlight.

Dean's feet are tapping and moving in weird directions and patterns, and Cas can literally _smell _the anxiety coming from Dean's body. Dean rolled his eyes when Tessa pulled the flashlight away, reaching eagerly for his t-shirt and throwing it on.

Dean flashed a wide smile. "Okay...so? It's late, and I wanna go spend some time with my boyfriend."

Cas blushed.

Tessa scoffed, looking at her clipboard and reviewing information before she exchanged Dean's smile. "Alright speed racer, slow your roll." She laughed, and Dean exhaled deeply. "I checked you out already, but don't you dare think you're just gonna' run out of here without saying goodbye."

Dean laughed, throwing his arms around Tessa and squeezing her until there wasn't a breath left in her body. "It's not goodbye, Tessa. I'll see you again." He said, and she buried her face in his shoulder.

Tessa exchanged a quivering smile. "I would hope it's just for a quick visit. Try not to get yourself into trouble!"

Dean kissed her cheek. "C'mon Tessa, you know me. I don't find trouble, trouble finds me."

"On second though, maybe you should just stay here." Tessa exclaimed, her mouth curling a little to one side. Dean dropped his hand from Tessa's waist and replaces it with Cas' hand.

Cas felt Dean's hand shaking, and he squeezed it harder, and smiled when he saw Dean give him a small smirk. Cas was almost positive he was more anxious than Dean was.

Cas wanted things to go back to normal. He wanted to wake up next to a happy and smiling Dean, go to bed with a warm and snug body pressed up against his; but he didn't know if Dean would _still _want that.

He didn't know if _Dean _was still _Dean._

Cas felt someone tug on his arm. He blinked, and suddenly he's being pulled through the long hospital hallway and to the elevator. He can't even see Dean's face, but his hand is _extremely _sweaty and Cas can still vaguely feel it shaking.

Cas was pulled into the elevator and placed next to a very squirmy Dean, his legs bouncing on the balls of his feet and his shoulder bumping Cas against the side of the wall.

"Dean, relax!" Cas yelled, and Dean turned to him, his eyes wide and needy. Dean bit his lip, and before Cas knew what was going on, Dean's lips were pressed hard and firm against his, his tongue swirling and spiraling around his mouth.

Cas palmed his shoulder and attempted to push his back, but Dean's grasp was unyielding and resistant, his force pushing Cas back against the elevator wall. Cas gasped, his mouth parting from Dean's for a quick moment, but Dean's hands clasped against Cas' jaw's, pulling Cas as close as he could get.

Dean moaned, his fingertips brushing under Cas' shirt and along the points of his hipbones and the hem of his jeans. "Missed you so much," Dean whispered against Cas' neck before he nibbled across the skin, "Missed you so much, baby."

Dean pressed his hips closer to Cas' waist, and Cas sucked in a breath of air. Dean was hard. _Already_.

Cas groaned, his hands gripping tightly on Dean's black t-shirt. "Dean-" He breathed into Dean's hair, "We can't, not here-"

Dean licked his way to Cas' ear before he pauses, his fingers slightly digging into Cas' skin a little more before he released his grip. "Fine." He whispered softly into Cas' ear. He pulled away, his fingertips sliding against Cas' skin, "But when we get home, you're _mine_."

Cas swallowed.

Dean smirked, and he could tell by the blush that had just smeared across Cas' face that he was definitely going to get some when they got home.

And Dean was right.

The car ride was torture for the both of them, and Dean rested his hand on Cas' knee, which was clearly distracting him from the road, but the very moment that Dean shut the apartment door, his back was shoved hard against it, hands flying on him like he was pure gold.

Dean felt his stomach flutter when Cas started sucking at his neck, leaving little purple specks on his skin. Cas' tongue swirled against the flesh of his neck, and he nibbled and bit and tasted Dean like it was the first time he had ever had Dean's skin in his mouth.

Hands tugged at Cas' shirt, and he let them control him, their mouths only parting when their shirts forced them apart. Dean entwined his fingers in Cas' hair as he kissed down his collar and chest, paying extra attention to Dean's nipples, which were clearly sensitive due to the noises coming from Dean.

Cas' tongue swirled, and his mouth was soon replaced by his hand once he started to move farther down, his body pleading for more. Cas dashed his tongue across Dean's hip bones, tasting, relishing, every inch of his skin like if stopped licking it would disappear. Cas stopped at the bandage around Dean's side, and he kissed around it gently, softly, so tenderly that Cas only skimmed Dean's skin.

Cas moved lower and tugged at the button of Dean's jeans, and he could feel Dean tighten his grip on the top of his head.

"C'mon, Cas, you're killin' me," Dean breathed, his lips parted and swollen and red, and Cas could tell that Dean wanted it, _needed_ it, but he was going to have to wait, because Cas needed to revel, to _savor_.

Cas smiled but continued to work slowly, his thumbs delicately curling around the hem of his jeans and tugging them down until they were at Dean's ankles, and Dean's length was screaming to be free from his briefs, the head already leaking small drops of pre come.

Cas looked up at him, his eyes beaming as he ran his teeth across his length through the cloth, and Dean breathed out a cross between a choke and a moan. "Jesus, Cas, oh God, please, please baby, _please_."

Cas licked his lips, the tips of his fingers grazing over the lining of the fabric before pulling it down, and Dean's hardness sprung free. Cas could feel his stomach begin to flutter, because he had almost forgotten how _big _Dean was.

With a smirk on his face, Cas palmed Dean's growing cock in his hand, and he could hear Dean's gasps and moans when he started to move his hand up Dean's length, pre come still wet and leaking from the tip. Trying to torture Dean even more, Cas ran _only _his lips across the swollen head soft and delicately before he stared up at Dean, and met his pleading eyes.

"You want me to suck your cock, Dean?" Cas asked low and hoarse, running his bottom lip across the swollen head again, "Is this what you want?"

Dean groaned, "Oh, god, please, Cas-Cas please-_please. _I'm begging y-oh fuck!"

Cas swallowed him in one quick movement, and Dean whimpered loudly as he pressed his back firmly against the door, his whole body tensing when he felt the warmth of Cas' mouth around his cock.

Cas moaned as he went down, the vibrations from his throat sending waves of sensation across Dean's body, making him shove Cas farther down until he could feel the back of his throat. "Oh shit, Cas, oh _fuck_, yes-right there, _right there_-"

Cas pressed his tongue to the sensitive spot right below Dean's swollen tip, and he could taste the salty flavor of pre come fill his mouth. He palmed Dean's cock again and moved it in time with his mouth, Dean's cock hitting the back of his throat each time he went down, getting it wet and ready for himself.

"Keep going baby, _yes_, please keep going," Dean breathed, gasping for air at how good it felt to have Cas' mouth around him again. If he didn't know any better, he'd say he would come at any moment now. His fingers still tangled in Cas' hair, his head flew back against the door as he shut his eyes, screaming, whining out Cas' name.

Cas did as he was told and kept going, his hand still working in time with his mouth, sucking and slurping as he bobbed his head up and down. Dean's legs began to _shake, _and Cas slowed down. He couldn't come. Not _yet. _

Cas released his mouth, and Dean opened his eyes and shivered at the cool air that hit his cock. "Why'd you-"

"I need you _inside _me, Dean." Cas choked, slowly rising to his feet and kissing along Dean's collarbone. Dean didn't say anything, but he stepped out of his jeans and already had his hands tightly pressed against Cas' hips, walking him backwards toward the bedroom. Cas felt the back of his legs hit the bed, and he pulled Dean on top of him, his weight pressing firmly against Cas' chest.

Their mouths collided, tongues swirling and spiraling against the other. Dean bit Cas' bottom lip faintly, dragging it out a little before he moved down to devour the skin against Cas' neck. Cas arched his back, his body eager to feel Dean's mouth and teeth against his frail skin, marking him and _controlling _him.

Dean moved to Cas' chest, taking his nipple between his teeth lightly before sucking and twisting his tongue. Cas moaned, and Dean began moving down to his abdomen, still licking and sucking, leaving red marks and wet circles on his skin.

Cas could feel his jeans tightening, "Dean, _please._" He begged, his hand pushing Dean's shoulder down farther.

Dean resisted Cas' force, his eyes glassy and assertive as he worked his way down even _slower _now and shaking his head, "Wait your turn, baby. Wait your turn."

Cas breathed heavily, his head resting softly on the pillow underneath him. Dean took his time, like there wasn't another care in the world, to kiss and suck and run his lips across every single inch of Cas' body like he couldn't get enough of the taste.

Dean's hands finally found Cas' belt, and he snapped it open eagerly, his hands finding the hem of his briefs and sliding them off completely before he pressed Cas' legs apart. Dean kissed his knee, then began working his way down to his inner thigh before working at his hipbones again.

By now, Cas was ready to explode, his cock was already standing up straight on it's own, and it was _screaming _to be touched. "_Dean-_" Cas groans, his body practically falling apart in the sheets.

Dean eyed him, his lips parted as he ran his tongue across his lower lip. "On your knees."

Cas furrowed his brow. He _was_ expecting Dean to _maybe _return the favor, but he still did as he was told, turning over onto his knees and spreading his legs. He felt Dean's hands take hold of him, squeezing his fingertips around the side of his cheeks. And all of a sudden Cas basically _screamed _when he felt Dean's _tongue _lick a stripe right up his ass.

"Oh god-jesus, _fuck._" Cas yelped, and Dean's tongue begins to circle and twist around Cas' hole, and Cas started making noises he didn't even know _existed. _Cas squirmed on the bed, and Dean whips his arms around Cas' thighs and holds him in place as his tongue finds Cas' entrance and pushes in, sending Cas almost flying off the bed.

"Yes, oh _g__od _right there, Dean, right there," Cas choked out, and he can barely speak let alone move. His whole body is shaking, and Dean continues to push his tongue in and out of Cas, deeper and deeper. As if Cas wasn't already moaning loud enough, Dean palms Cas' cock and begins working him hard as he continues to press his tongue inside him.

Cas couldn't wait anymore, he forced himself to pull away and he turned on his back, pulling Dean's arms and crushing them together. "I need you, _please, _I need you."

Dean smirked before crushing his lips to Cas' mouth again, and Cas welcomed the taste of himself as his tongue collided with Dean's. Dean shoved his hips forward until his cock was brushing against Cas'.

The desire growing in Cas' belly was almost _painful, _and he's more than excited to see Dean reach over to the bedside drawer and pull out the little bottle of lube, squeezing some onto his hand and spreading it around before he lines himself up to Cas' entrance.

Cas' legs are tangled over Dean's back, and Dean sucked on Cas' neck before he _slowly _pushed himself in. Cas' fingernails find delicate skin, and he _tears _at it when he feels the uneasy stretch of Dean's cock inside him, filling him entirely.

"Jesus-_fuck_," Cas cried, his breathing heavy and rapid against Dean's swollen lips, and Dean halts once he's engulfed inside Cas and his warmth.

"Missed you so much, baby. God I missed you," Dean groaned, his tongue finding Cas' ear and taking it gently into his mouth. He pulled out and pushed into him again with more force, and Dean can even feel his orgasm growing at just the feeling of Cas around him again; his tightness, his warmth, his _taste. _

Dean began to thrust harder, _much harder, _his hips smacking against Castiel's every time he pushed in, and he can feel Cas clawing and scraping at his back with every pound. Dean found Cas' mouth again, and kissed him hard and fervently as he continued to thrust in and out, hitting that sweet spot that's making Cas _scream. _

Cas whimpered. "Dean, _oh Dean, _yes-yes, keep going, oh don't stop, _don't-_"

Dean continued to push in harder, and the sweat trickled down the side of his face. He leaned into Cas' neck, licking up across the side and tasting the bitter sweat that lay on his skin before he whispered in Cas' ear. "Gonna make you mine, baby. _Mine._"

Now Dean's going as hard as he can, hitting Cas' prostate every time he thrusted into him, and now Cas isn't even speaking English anymore, he's choking and whimpering out as loud as he can as Dean fucked him into the mattress.

Cas' nails claw down Dean's back, and he knows he's ripping skin, but his hands have a mind of their own, ripping and scratching at anything they can find. "Love you so much, Dean, _fucking _love you." Cas moaned against Dean's lips before his tongue invades Dean's mouth.

Dean felt it coming, the twinge in his core, and all it took is one glance down, and once he realized that Cas is jerking himself off, any of his willpower disappeared.

Dean groaned loudly as he felt the hot, thick spurts of come shoot out of him, and Cas is only seconds behind him, bursting out all across his stomach. Dean pulled out and fell on top of him, not even caring about the sticky mess between them, and he rested his head on Cas' heaving chest.

"I love you, too." Dean breathed slowly before he pulled up the thin sheets around them.

Cas brushed Dean's sweaty forehead, taking his time to regain his breath. And before he knew it, Dean was already fast asleep against him, his head curled and snug in the crook of Cas' neck.

Cas smiled, because _this _was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life.


	15. Chapter 15

_**WOW-holy shit! I haven't updated in forever and I'm SO sorry! I started writing another fic(that was a mistake), and I've been so invested in that instead of finishing up this. I DO promise it will be done, but I also CANNOT promise that it will be soon.**_

* * *

It's funny how a certain type of screaming can scare you. A certain type of screaming that runs under your skin and across your bones. The kind that hitches your body enough to make your heart stop enough that you feel like a monument frozen for eternity. The kind that makes you want to curl in a ball and cover your ears, rocking your body back and forth and just wanting it to end, whispering to yourself: _"its almost over, it's almost over"_, but it never really does end. It just keeps going enough to make you feel dead.

Those were the kind of screams that Cas would make in the middle of the night. Every night. It usually wasn't this bad, but this time, it was _different._

"Cas please wake up!"

"No! No! Get away from me! Don't touch me! I hate you!"

"Cas, please, baby I'm here, please wake up, I'm here!"

Dean grabbed Cas' arms, attempting to pin them down, but Cas resisted, clawing at scratching at Dean's skin. "Stop! Stop touching me!"

"Castiel, dammit, wake up!"

Cas woke up with a massive gasp for air, his body flinging forward in front of him. His chest is heaving, "W-what?"

Dean sat up, his hand smoothly running over the strained muscles of Castiel's sweaty back. Dean swallowed and stared at him, wanting to look away but unable to keeps his eyes away from Castiel's reddened face, "You...you had another."

Cas swallowed, his chest still rising and falling with deep and shallow breaths as his shaky hands slid across his face to rid the sweat on his forehead. "I'm-I'm so sorry…"

Dean shook his head, his arm finding the other side of Castiel's and hooking it around, pulling him in close. Cas curled into him his body deflating when the warmth of Dean embedded him. "It's okay, Castiel. I'm here, I'm here."

Castiel's hot body is still shaking when Dean entwined his fingers through his damp hair, the other arm laid out across Castiel's chest and hand hooked around his arm. Dean shushed him, whispering into his ear as Cas' breathing started to reside.

Cas moved his hand across Dean's chest, and his fingers find something warm and sticky on the middle of his chest. "Dean...you're bleeding."

Dean doesn't move, but instead continues to rock him subtly, "I know."

"Wait what?" Cas asked harshly, "Did I...did I do this to you?"

Dean moved his hand to cup the back of Castiel's neck, and he pulled him back into his chest. Dean couldn't look at him. Not like this.

"It's okay. I'm okay."

Cas moved swiftly from Dean, breaking them apart and standing next to the bed. "No! It's not okay. I'm-I'm-" Cas stopped talking and walked to the dresser, taking out a box of bandages. His hands are still shaking as he carried the box back to the bed. Dean watched him fumble the box, his eyes fixed sharply on Castiel's face; broken and shattered.

"Let's get you fixed up," Cas swallowed, and he leaned over the bed and dabbed Dean's wound with a cloth. He's refusing to look at Dean, his eyes focused sharply on the cut. Dean could see the pain hiding behind a thin sheet of kindness, but Castiel couldn't hide it well, and all his cracks started to show.

"Cas you need to talk about it." Dean said swiftly, his hand curling around Castiel's wrists as he dabbed the bleeding wound. Cas chewed his lip but didn't respond, "Cas."

"No."

"You need to tell me, Castiel." Dean grabbed Castiel's shoulders and pulled him down onto the bed, "You need to talk about it."

Cas shook his head again. He turned away from Dean, but Dean hoisted him back down. Cas had been quiet for too long, and he needed to talk about it. It would be painful, and Dean knew that, but Cas _needed_ to.

"No."

Dean sighed, a let Cas bandage up the scratch across his chest again. It was silent the whole time, but Dean never took his eyes away from Castiel's. It was easy to see the exhaustion, the weakness, the fragility; but it was also so easy to see the _strength_.

Castiel cleaned up, and Dean decided that it might be better to leave him alone. He laid down, his body turning away from Castiel when he pulled the covers up.

Dean was scared. Scared that Castiel, _wasn't Castiel._ Dean needed Cas more than ever right now, and Dean didn't want to lose him. He gripped the sheets and closed his eyes, trying to get a fairly decent amount of sleep, although he knew quite well that he wouldn't.

After a while, with deep and calm breaths, Dean could feel himself start to slowly drift.

"It didn't start out bad."

Dean snapped his eyes open when he hears his voice, low and ragged. He turned over, and Castiel is faced the other way, the covers shielding him.

"It was quite simple at first actually, like just soft touches." Cas breathed, and Dean could hear the scratches in his voice, the labored pain being held back. Cas took a deep breath, "I don't really remember when it had gotten worse to be fairly honest. It just did."

Dean stiffened. The air became a thick fog, and Dean could hardly breathe through it or see clearly; all he could hear was his distant voice. And it _hurt_, listening to him. Dean promised to protect Cas, to make sure no one would hurt him, to make sure they would never be apart. And he _failed_.

"I knew you were coming."

Cas turned to face Dean, his eyes speaking the unsaid. Dean furrowed his brow in question.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me, I mean."

Dean sighed in relief. Even though listening to this hurt more than Dean could explain, listening to that made it just a little bit smoother. Dean moved his hand around Castiel's jawline, his thumb brushing underneath his ear. There was nothing that he could really say that he hasn't said before, and not anything that would really make a difference.

Cas was home, and that's all that mattered.

Dean shifted closer, until his forehead was pressed firmly against Castiel's heated one. He hooked his arm around the back of his neck, tight and clamped. "I will never let anyone hurt you again." Dean whispered.

Castiel smiled.

* * *

_"This damn apartment has rats!"_

Dean propped open his eyes. There's nothing better than being waken up at 7 am by a bitching neighbor. He stretched and yawned, careful not to wake sleeping beauty up next to him, who was quite the opposite of sleeping beauty in fact; sprawled out diagonal with all limbs stretched out with the white sheet covering the curve of his back.

Dean stifled a laugh and wobbled to the kitchen and began pouring himself a glass of water when the door was struck by a loud series of knocks.

_So much for not waking Cas up._

Dean rolled his eyes and he hobbles to the door, opening it to find the _always luxurious_ Ms. Milton. Her lips were pursed and wrinkled.

"Naomi, what can I help you with on this fine morning?"

She scowled. "_It's Ms. Milton,_ thank you very much." She squinted her eyes and pursed her lips at him, "Do you have vermin in your complex walls?"

Dean made a disgruntled face at her. "Uh, no?"

Ms. Milton took a deep breath, her hand slicking back strands of her darkened auburn hair back into the neatly formed bun. "I think it's coming from your side of the apartment."

Dean scratched the back of his head. "What is?"

Ms. Milton scoffed in the back of her throat. "You don't hear those noises? That scratching and clawing at two in the goddamn morning. Or that-that _howling_!"

"Ms. Milton, are you implying there are werewolves in the building's walls?" Dean laughed.

"Get it fixed! It's keeping me up at night!"

Dean furrowed his brow, because he doesn't understand why this is his problem. " Why is this my job? Can't Mr. Milton figure it out or something?"

"There is no Mr. Milton."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Oh I wonder why," He muttered under his breath, and Ms. Milton scowls at him.

"Excuse me?" She growled.

"Hm?" Dean raised his eyebrows and smirked slightly, attempting to pull off the innocent boy look.

Ms. Milton grinded her teeth together, her hands smoothing down her grey blazer jacket. "Just get it fixed, Mr. Winchester."

Dean slammed the door as she walked away, her matching grey pants ruffling behind her. Dean turned to find Castiel, his hair mussed in different directions and his hand lazily rubbing his half-opened eyes.

"What the fuck was that about?" Castiel murmured.

Dean took a moment to once over him for a second, taking in pride in his boyfriend, his broad shoulders and smooth tanned skin. His boxer briefs hanging low on his defined hip bones. Dean smiled and wrapped his hands on the curves of his hips.

"Good morning to you too, babe." Dean grinned, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Castiel smiled, pressing his lips to Dean's collarbone, "Good morning," He laughed. Castiel shivered when Dean's thumbs crept underneath the tight hem of his boxer briefs.

Dean lips remained softly on Castiel's forehead, slowly moving them down the side of his face until he met his lips. Dean lips forced Cas' open, his tongue sliding against Castiel's and receiving a delightful moan from him.

Cas broke away from him. "You have to get to work, Dean." He grinned, leaning his head on Dean's chest. Dean sighed.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Dean ran his hands up Castiel's bare back, and Castiel shivered underneath his fingertips. Castiel smiled slyly, unhinging himself from Dean's clutch and heading back into the room. Dean followed him, and saw that Castiel was taking out Dean's grey suit from the closet. He threw it on the bed, followed by a green striped tie.

Dean furrowed his brows and him and Castiel tilted his head. "Are you gonna get dressed or am I gonna have to do that for you?"

Dean grinned. "Well if you're asking…"

Castiel rolled his eyes and giggled before he threw on a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants over himself. "I'll have breakfast ready by the time you're done."

Twenty-five minutes is enough time for Castiel to cook sunny side up eggs, bacon, and toast. and yet it still isn't enough time for Dean to get himself ready.

"Dean!" Castiel yelled from the kitchen as he set down the last plate of toast, "C'mon!"

"Oh, shush!" Dean yelled from the bathroom, "It takes time to look as good as I do!"

Castiel rolled his eyes again and sat down, his lips curving into a smile as he grabbed a piece of toast and pulled the crust off the edges. Dean came out five minutes later, and Castiel almost choked on his food.

Dean Winchester. Oh, _Dean fucking Winchester_. Castiel couldn't help but stare at his hair, which was draped over his eyelashes only moments ago but is now riffed up at the top of his head. His jawline was neatly trimmed to the way Castiel liked it; just a little bit of scruff.

"You clean up well." Castiel nodded. He felt like Dean was almost, in a way, _back_, even though he had _never really left._

Dean grinned at him and walked over only to place a chaste kiss on the top of his head. He sat down and his eyes trailed over the food on the table. "Looks great, Cas."

Cas smiled. "I know it does."

* * *

Dean let the hum of the Impala soothe him as he sat in his parking space. Working again was something he really didn't want to do, but it was now or never. He turned his head over to Castiel next to him, now dressed just as formal as Dean; dark navy suit that highlighted the speckles of blue in his eyes.

"So, I'll come get you at six?" Castiel chirped, his hand finding Dean's knee and squeezing.

_Just stay with me_, Dean thought as his hand found Castiel's. They were starting over, again. Dean's hip suddenly ached, as though all the pain was returning. He didn't know why he was nervous, but he refused to believe that it was because of _fear_. Nervous because he was afraid of leaving Castiel's side.

Dean's thumb brushed the back of Castiel's hand. "Can you walk me in?"

They walked into the lobby of the dull, grey corporate office, and Dean was a little reluctant to walk in, but Castiel held his hand the whole time. The elevator was the worst, and Dean knew that he should be the one tightening his grip on Castiel instead of the other way around. Dean leaned against the elevator wall and shut his eyes.

But his eyes snapped open when an overbearing bang thudded the elevator.

Castiel let go of Dean's hand.

"What the–?"

And it stopped. The elevator just stopped.

The lights dimmed a little, and a little red light started glowing on the key-panel.

The overhead speaker came on next.

_**"Hello? Hello, is anyone in here?"**_

"Unfortunatley." Dean hissed at the woman as he eyed the top of the ceiling.

_**"O-Oh my, I-I'm so sorry. I'm with the building's security, and it appears the elevator you are in has broken down."**_

"No shit," Dean muttered under his breath, and Castiel swatted his arm a little with a grin. Dean shrugged and rolled his eyes.

_**"We've called maintenance and they should be on the problem in no time. I'm so sorry about this. If you need our assistance, press the red call button. Again, I'm so sorry, and we're working on the issue."**_

Dean parted his mouth, getting ready to throw a bitch-fit but Castiel swatted him again. "Thank you ma'am," He said calmly, "This wasn't your fault."

Dean rolled his eyes again. "Why do I feel like this is slightly ironic?"

Cas laughed, his hands toying with the buttons on Dean's jacket. "Well, we have time now."

"For what?"

Castiel's arms hooked around the back of Dean's neck, pulling him in and crushing their lips together, wasting no time to slide his tongue into Dean's mouth.

Dean's hands found Castiel's shoulders, shoving him away for a quick moment, "C-Cas?" He whispered, confused and struck by the sudden force.

"We never finished this morning." Castiel murmured, undoing the buttons on Dean's jacket and pulling up the shirt tucked into his pants. Dean's eyes widened.

"I-In…an elevator?" Dean choked out, shivering when he felt Castiel's hand slide up his stomach and across his skin, his fingers lightly skimming over his nipples.

Castiel pressed closer to him until his hardness was pressing tight and heated against Dean's dress pants. He inched closer to Dean's face until his bottom lip only merely glided against Dean's, "Don't tell me you don't want it, Dean."

_God dammit._ Dean grabbed the back of Castiel's hair, pushing himself forward and tangling their mouths together, his tongue finding Castiel's quickly. Castiel moaned under Dean's touch, his hands sliding down Castiel's back until he squeezed his ass tightly and thrusted Castiel into his growing erection.

Castiel undid the buttons of Dean's dress shirt quickly, eager to feel the skin underneath the cloth. He ran his hands down Dean's bare chest until his hands found his belt, stripping him of that too, just as fast. Dean's tie lay askew against his chest, and his hand found Castiel's dark hair as the man kissed down, finding Dean's nipple and sucking gently.

Dean let out a heavy breath, his eyes remaining locked on Castiel's as he trailed lower, his tongue circling around his abdomen and then his hip bones. Castiel hooked his thumbs around the hem of Dean's pants, bringing them down slowly as he nipped at Dean's hips, taking his time to cover the unkissed skin.

"Cas, _please._" Dean hissed, his head falling back against the wall of the elevator. His finger's entwined in Castiel's head hard, but Cas seemed to melt into his hand.

Cas knelt on his knees, his teeth lightly grazing over the growing bulge in Dean's pants, screaming to be let free, pre-cum already leaving a dark spot on his light gray boxer briefs. Castiel couldn't wait any longer, so he gently tugged at Dean's boxer briefs until his cock was sprung free, the head a swollen pink, shining from pre-cum.

Dean's stomach turned as he watched Castiel wrap his hand around his cock, rubbing his thumb over the slit.

"_Cas_." Dean groaned, sucking in a breath when he felt Castiel's hand stroke his length down to the base and quickly back up again; slow and craving.

Cas ignored Dean's plead, next rubbing his thumb underneath the tip of Dean's cock and to the sensitive skin, feeling Dean shiver at his touch. He leaned closer, watching as Dean's eyes lit up in excitement, but only placed a small kiss at the head of Dean's cock.

Dean bit his lip, "Castiel...you trying to kill me? Huh?"

"That depends," Castiel hummed, "Is it working?"

Dean grinned slyly, his fingers tightening around Castiel's hair, "Shut the fuck up Cas and suck my cock." He hissed at him through his teeth. Cas placed his mouth carefully around the tip, humming against the skin and sending vibrations across Dean's body.

"Jesus, _fuck_."

Cas went deeper down, slowly, as if he had all the time in the world. Dean lurched forward when he felt Cas press his tongue to the sensitive spot under the head of his cock, "_Fuck_, Cas, baby _just_ like that."

Cas obliged with a slight grin, going down and wetting the underside of Dean's cock with his tongue until his lips touched his hand wrapped around the bottom of his length. Not being able to take the torture anymore, Castiel took his free hand and unzipped his pants, letting his cock spring free before he took the leaking cockhead into his hand, spreading warm precum around the tip.

Castiel hummed around Dean again as he continued to bob his head across Dean's length, sending Dean into a frenzy of sorts; cursing and moaning broken words and choking on his ragged breath.

"Shit, Cas, _fuck_, keep going, keep _fucking_ going," Dean mumbled, wrapping his hand around the back of Castiel's damp neck. When Dean realized that Cas was jerking himself off, his pleasure practically doubled.

Cas slowly popped his mouth of Dean's cock, and Dean shivered at the cool air that hit him. Dean stared down and Castiel, his head tilted to the side.

"Dean," Cas grumbled, "I want you to fuck me."

Dean swallowed._ Elevator sex, holy shit,_ he thought as he dragged Castiel to his feet, pressing their cocks together and hissing at the warmth. Dean grabbed Castiel's ass, turning him around and pressing his chest into the elevator wall.

Dean leaned his bare cock against Castiel's clothed ass. "What do you want me to do?" Dean whispered into his ear, his tongue finding the nape of Castiel's neck and licking up a sheet of salty sweat.

Castiel's hands gripped the railing as he let out a breathless moan, "Fuck me. _Please_. I need–"

Dean pressed harder into Castiel's ass, his hands finding the cloth of his shirt and ripping it out of his pants to find the bare skin of his hips. He moved his hips in a circle, rolling his body forward until he heard Castiel choke out a loud moan.

"What do you need?" Dean asked harshly, his hand finding Castiel's cock and wrapping his fingers around the length slowly, rubbing his thumb against the slit. Dean wanted to hear Castiel beg for it. He found Castiel's belt buckle and unhinged it, his pants dropping to the floor.

Castiel took a breath, but felt like there wasn't enough air in his lungs. "I-I need–"

His briefs fell next, and Dean pressed his cock into Castiel's bare ass now. "You need what?"

"_You_!" Castiel screamed, "Just fuck me, Dean, please."

Dean smirked, one hand firmly placed against Castiel's hip, the other held onto Castiel's leg, propping it up on the railing. Dean spit into his hand, coating himself with saliva until his cock was wet. Dean ran two fingers around Cas' hole just for good measure, pushing them in and feeling Cas tighten around his fingers.

"_Shit_," Cas squirmed, letting himself relax around Dean's fingers, but it wasn't enough. He wanted more, "Dean, _please_."

Dean thrusted his fingers in a little harder, "You want my cock, Cas?" He added a third finger, scissoring in and out of Cas harder than he'd ever before, "You want my cock deep inside you?" Dean gritted through his teeth, and Castiel choked out a broken word.

"I-I want–"

"You want me to fuck you good, baby?" Dean hissed through his teeth, his fingers curling inside of Cas just enough to brush his prostate. Cas squirmed beneath Dean's grasp.

"Y-Yes, _please_, Dean. _Please_. I want it...so bad."

Dean couldn't take the wait. His fingers came out quickly, and Dean spit in his hand to rub it around his length and press the swollen head of his cock to Cas' hole. He pushed in gently at first, letting Cas stretch at ease. Cas sucked in a breath, the white of his knuckles showing against the metal bar of the elevator.

Dean sunk in until his hips touched Castiel's ass. "_Fuck_," He breathed, Cas' tight warmth squeezing around him.

"Move, Dean." Cas pleaded, his head falling against the wall of the elevator.

This time, Dean did as he was told, pulling out slowly and thrusting back into Cas again with a loud groan. Every time he was inside Cas, it felt like the first time. The first time he was feeling the warmth, the first time he was feeling the pleasure, the first time he was feeling Cas.

"God Cas, I–" Dean choked. He cut himself off before he could say: _"I missed you"_. He didn't know why he wanted to say it now, but he did. He kept his mouth shut and pulled out of Castiel again, agonizingly slowly.

Castiel hooked his arm around Dean's back and shoved him in again, Dean's hips smacking Castiel's ass, "_Dean_." Castiel whimpered.

Castiel had his head turned, his eyes wide and glassy; pleading for desire. Dean couldn't deny him, especially when his eyes were begging like that. He began rolling his hips, both hands clasped onto either side of Castiel's ass as he did so, nails digging into frail skin.

Cas choked out broken words beneath him as Dean began thrusting his cock into him harder.

"_Fuck_. Dean oh–oh, fuck. I-I–" Castiel whimpered out, but Dean didn't slow down. His hips had a mind of their own, pushing Cas against the elevator wall with great force.

"You what, Cas?" Dean teased, his hands unhinging from Castiel's sides and running up his back instead, sending shivers down the man's spine. Dean dipped his head down to lick across Castiel's back.

"I-I," Cas swallowed, "I _missed_ this."

Dean smiled against the man's shoulders, slowing his pace down to grab hold of Cas' earlobe with his teeth. "I missed you too, Cas."

Dean didn't see it, but he knew Castiel smiled. Dean returned his mouth to Cas' skin; his shoulder blades, the nape of his neck and the bones of his spine. Dean had stopped moving his hips, instead just letting himself feel the heat around his cock.

But apparently, Cas had other ideas.

"Now make me come, Dean." Cas urged a laugh, but Dean picked up a slight forcefulness to his tone that he just couldn't deny.

Dean pulled himself out from Cas and winced at the cold shiver that whirled across his cock. Cas turned, wide eyed and confused, but Dean grinned. "I wanna' see you. I wanna' see your face when you come."

Castiel smirked, letting himself fall easily to the floor of the dirty elevator, his tie askew and unbuttoned shirt ruffled. He propped himself up on his elbows, spreading his legs open for Dean. Dean knelt down, his fingertips brushing Castiel's inner thighs before he came to position himself.

Dean felt his stomach twist when he saw the ecstasy in Castiel's eyes; the want, the desire, the need. Dean was grinning against Castiel's lip when he pushed in again, submerged by hot breath on his neck as he sunk deeper.

Cas grinded his teeth, "Yes, Dean, _please_ move, _please_."

Dean thrusted into Cas, the arousal in his stomach increasing as he saw the faces and small noises emitting from Castiel; the hitches of breath and choked out words, the slow and long deep groans.

Hands clutched Dean's back, breaking skin and eventually finding and grasping his ass as he continued to drive into Castiel. Dean's cock began to throb, and eventually he could feel the tightness begin in his core.

"'Gonna make you come, Cas. _Fuck_, 'gonna make you _scream_ for it." Dean groaned against Castiel's neck as he nibbled his way to his ear.

Castiel bucked his hips forward, his back arching and muscles clenching around Dean, "Dean! I'm going to–"

Dean knew he was hitting Cas' sweet spot by the noises coming from him, the way his hands dug into Dean's back like he was an animal. Cas' lips parted, swollen and pink, his tongue swiping out to touch his bottom lip, and Dean chased after it, his lips crushing against Castiel's as he kept going deeper against his prostate.

"Come for me, Cas," Dean whispered against his lips. And that was it; that was all Dean needed to say until Cas was riding out his orgasm, groaning out Dean's name against Dean's neck.

Dean wasn't far behind, coming hot inside Castiel, his heaving chest falling ontop of Cas when he couldn't bear to hold himself up anymore, letting their breathing sync together.

They lay on the elevator floor, Dean's head soft and nuzzled into the crook of Castiel's neck.

Dean smiled, because maybe getting stuck in the elevator wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
